THE MORNING BANTER: Afghanistan Exits, Gay Football Players, SNL Band Leaders, and Non-Alcoholic Beverages

Happy Tuesday. You have a whopping three days to find a date for Valentines Day! Here’s what’s happening on the interweb:

1. U.S. Shifting Afghanistan Exit Plans: Report

Frustrated about prospects of getting Afghan President Hamid Karzai to sign a long-term security deal, the United States is considering waiting until he leaves office before completing the pact and deciding on a troop presence beyond 2014, the Wall Street Journal reported on Monday. When Karzai brought up the fact that Obama said he was only going to crash for a few days and it’s been way longer than expected — and that Barack has been drinking all of the milk —  the president quickly rattled off a few excuses about delayed paychecks before totally just remembering he had to do something real quick.

2. What Michael Sam’s Coming Out Means For The NFL

Mizzou star Michael Sam came out of the closet on ESPN on Sunday, and the NFL is totally prepared not prepared at all for something like this.

3. Fred Armisen to be Seth Meyer’s New Band Leader on the Late Show

The new Late Night host tweeted a picture of his new band leader, another former SNLer, Fred Armisen. When asked what he was going to do with the new band, Armisen replied that he was most likely going to put a bird on it.

4. Shirley Temple Black, Screen Darling, Dies at 85

Shirley Temple Black, who as a dimpled, precocious and determined little girl in the 1930s sang and tap-danced her way to a height of Hollywood stardom and worldwide fame that no other child has reached, died on Monday night at her home in Woodside, Calif. She was 85 and from the ages of 6 to 12, I was certain she was only famous for making one of the best non-alcoholic drinks of all time.

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