THE MORNING BANTER: Knox Guilty (Again), Puppy Bowl Tyranny, Seinfeld Reunion, and the 5-Second Liar Test

Happy Friday. It’s almost time to knock off for the weekend, but before you rush out the door let’s throw a few headlines and other assorted goodies your way.

1. Absence and Malice

Amanda Knox has been found guilty of murder by an Italian court. If you’re thinking to yourself, “Wait, wasn’t she convicted before, then that conviction was overturned, like, just a couple of years ago,” you’re absolutely right. But now she’s convicted again. Why? Because this is the Italians we’re talking about. At a news conference immediately following the ruling, Judge Roberto Benigni was quoted as saying about this latest conviction, “I am-a overjoyed! Hey! Why you cry, eh? Everything-a so nice! Hey!” while gleefully climbing over members of the press on his way to catch a train that would arrive an hour late on the wrong track.

As for the once and future convict, she’s still here in America; it remains to be seen whether she’ll be extradited or simply disappear into the Los Angeles underground where she’ll survive as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem and no one else can help, and if you can find her, maybe you can hire the A-Knox Team.

CNN: Amanda Knox Found Guilty of Murder Again in Italian Court

2. The Fur Flies

If you’re not watching the Super Bowl this weekend there’s a good chance, statistically, that you might at least be tuning in to Animal Planet’s “Puppy Bowl” at some point. But while it’s possibly the greatest thing on earth to watch when you’re out of your mind high, at least one man is decrying its “tyranny of cuteness.”

The New Republic: The Only Thing Worse Than the Super Bowl Is the Puppy Bowl

3. Something About Nothing

“Worlds are colliding!”

Gawker: A Seinfeld Reunion Is Definitely Happening Very Soon

4. The Passion of the Christo

If you live in Southern or Northern Calfornia, as well as New York City or Miami, you’re probably familiar with Umami Burger. There’s even a strong possibility your blood is around 65% rare beef, blue cheese, port-caramel onions and the oil from truffle fries. Just a couple of days ago Umami debuted a new burger that’ll be around for a limited time. It’s a co-production with genius chef Michael Voltaggio, who owns Ink here in L.A. It’s a Monte Christo burger. Kiss those arteries goodbye and open wide for sweet, sweet goodness.

The Los Angeles Times: Michael Voltaggio for Umami Burger: Gruyere Fondue, Custard-Soaked Bun

5. Q-Score

I drew it upside-down. I have no idea what the hell that says about me.

Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever. 

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