In this week’s edition of The Daily Banter Mail Bag, Bob, Ben and Chez discuss Republican State of the Union sidekicks, the Dinesh D’Souza indictment and our most disastrous dates.
1. Did you see that Louie Gohmert is inviting Hannity to sit with him at the State of the Union address? What is it with Texas congressman and their SOTU guests? Steve Stockman brought Ted Nugent and now this.
— Steve C
Ben: I give up trying to psychoanalyze these guys. Off the top of my head, I’m guessing Gohmert thinks it will intimidate Obama by having a professional agitator like Hannity hanging around, but I couldn’t really say. Sean Hannity is an irrelevant relic of the 90’s and about as intimidating to Obama as Sweden is, so it’s not exactly a brilliant power play.
Chez: I didn’t see that but it doesn’t surprise me. I think these assholes think it’s somehow threatening to have someone from the conservative entertainment complex actually inside the castle keep. Also, it gives them clout with their idiot base and further blurs the line between fantasy and reality for them.
Bob: It seems like it’s become a paleoconservative fashion statement to bring a mutant sidekick to the State of the Union. Next year, Rep. Steve King (R-IA) will bring Mark Levin in a leather gimp suit.
2. I want to take a minute and gloat about Dinesh D’Souza getting indicted. Want to join me?
Chez: Oh, yes. I noticed the usual suspects on the right have already concocted a theory about the indictment being payback or a way to shut down D’Souza since he knows Obama wasn’t born in the U.S. or some such horseshit. It’ll be entertaining to see how this plays out.
Bob: All I have to say is this:
Ben: This is genuinely hilarious. D’Souza has been asking for this for years, and I’m going to dedicate a good portion of time covering his downfall. I sincerely hope the guy ends up in serious hot water for this and retires completely from public life. He’s a mean spirited, smug little shit who has spent his entire life smearing other people while pretending to be a ‘family values’ Republican. Not only did the pious D’Souza cheat on his wife while telling everyone else not to, it now turns out he’s a corrupt scumbag who has tried to pervert the political system, all the while accusing everyone else of the same thing. It’s absolutely fantastic to watch his name ruined in a very public way.
3. Tell us about the worst date you ever went on?
Bob: Right off the top of my head, I went on a date during my third year of college — I think we went to see the terrible Kenneth Branagh movie Dead Again. And that was the best part. Either we both froze from nerves, or we had zero in common because we literally didn’t talk to each other the entire time. Maybe two sentences each. Way, way uncomfortable for a three hour date. Let’s see, what else? There were three different dates in which, during the days after the date, each woman freaked out and began stalking me afterwards like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction — I hasten to emphasize that I wasn’t married like Michael Douglas was in the movie, but each case was a form of stalkery minus the boiled rabbit. Weird stuff. Perhaps details to come on a future After Party.
Chez: I can’t think of a good date horror story off the top of my head. I’m sure I’ve had a couple at some point but by the time I actually go out with somebody I’ve usually slept with them already so that changes the dynamic. Yeah, I have a habit of just getting drunk and going home with somebody then trying to turn that into an actual relationship. My girlfriend and I started with a real and honestly terrific date and that’s lasted, so I guess I finally learned something.
Ben: I once went to a pretty heavy gay club in West Hollywood with a girl I was kind of interested in, along with some other friends who agreed to join to take the pressure off. I was 23 at the time and she was 20, and the only place in the area that served alcohol and let in underage people (who weren’t allowed to drink). The whole thing was a disaster as she turned out to be completely insane, and insisted on pretending to speak spanish when she couldn’t (my friends were both Latin American and spent much of the nigh laughing at her). I got groped by several dudes while trying to get a drink, and then got kicked out of the club after giving the girl an alcoholic drink. It got so bad that I texted a friend up and told him to call a bit later to say he’d had a car accident and that he needed me to go get him. He did, and I got the hell out of there, leaving my friends with this crazy girl who was still trying to converse with them in Spanish. They weren’t exactly pleased with me.