THE MORNING BANTER: NSA Limits, Duck Dynasty Bigots, Babies Falling From Burning Buildings, and Drake’s Negotiation Skills

Now it’s officially the day where you have to order those last couple things from Amazon. Here’s what’s happening on the interweb:

1. White House Panel Suggests Limits to NSA Snooping

A presidential advisory panel has recommended sweeping limits on the government’s surveillance programs, including requiring a court to sign off on individual searches of phone records and stripping the National Security Agency of its ability to store that data from Americans. The National Security Agency took those recommendations, evaluated the potential pros and cons of implementing them, and then unanimously decided to keep going on as they have been forever because screw your recommendations.

2. ‘Duck Dynasty’ Star Phil Robertson Suspended Over Anti-Gay Remarks

A&E has suspended “Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson following anti-gay comments he made in a recent GQ profile, according to a report by Entertainment Weekly. In an interview with GQ’s Drew Magary, the head of the family in the wildly popular A&E series expressed his view that homosexuality was immoral, likening it to bestiality. Some of the remarks were made using off-color language.

Hey, remember when A&E was for smart people?

3. Mailman Catches Twin Babies Thrown From Burning Bronx Building

Two twin baby boys were thrown out of a burning building in The Bronx early yesterday morning—and they were thankfully caught by a mailman. Postal worker Jermaine Shirley is now being called Hot Hands by coworkers and friends, which he thinks might be a little offensive.

4. Drake Reportedly Just Talked Jermain Defoe Into Joining Major League Soccer’s Toronto FC

Major League Soccer’s Toronto FC has reportedly been using hip-hop star and Toronto-native Drake to entice players to join their roster next season, and it looks like it’s paid off. According to The Mirror, Defoe has reportedly agreed to play for Toronto FC next season and notes that the Tottenham striker made his decision after receiving a phone call from Drake, who asked Defoe to seriously consider coming to Canada. He then received a few drunk texts from Drake telling him that he was a good soccer player and he knows it.