The Morning Banter: Congress Piss Tests, Bad Test Scores, Jonas Brother Confessions, and Morgan Freeman iPad Portraits

The Onion reports that it is indeed only Tuesday, but together we’ll get through this. Here’s what’s happening on the interweb…

1. Americans Want Congress Members To Pee In Cups To Prove They’re Not On Drugs

According to a new HuffPost/YouGov poll, 64 percent of Americans favor requiring welfare recipients to submit to random drug testing — a measure pushed by Republican lawmakers in recent years — while 18 percent oppose it. But an even stronger majority said they’re in favor of random drug testing for members of Congress, by a 78 percent to 7 percent margin. Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi went on record opposing the idea, asking, “Why are you all trying to harsh my mellow?”

2. U.S. Test Scores Remain Stagnant While Other Countries See Rapid Rise

According to the latest results of a comprehensive set of international exams released Tuesday, America’s teens have remained mid-pack among their peers worldwide and utterly stagnant in reading, math and science over the last 10 years. Right in that meaty part of the curve; not showing off, not falling behind. We’re the Steven Koren of countries. 

3. Joe Jonas Talks Jonas Brothers

Joe Jonas, previously 1/3 of a band that I had forgotten ruled the pre-teen landscape for a brief time, opened up to New York Magazine about the life of a child star, how much control Disney really has, and where he’s at now. I can’t tell you how comically refreshing it is to hear someone at the ripe age of 24 say that they feel like they have it all figured out. Enjoy your quarter-life crisis, kid.

4. This Incredible Portrait of Morgan Freeman was Painted on an iPad

Thus proving just how advanced the iPad is and how much time someone named Kyle Lambert had on his hands.