Last night on 60 Minutes, Jeff Bezos revealed that he was actually inside the Benghazi compound as it was under siege on September 11th of last year and single-handedly fought off a member of Al Qaeda while armed only with a Kindle Fire and a copy of Charles Krauthammer’s Things That Matter. I kid, of course, but see what 60 Minutes opened itself up to by airing that story last month?
What Bezos really did reveal during his interview with Charlie Rose is maybe even more shocking and will likely be more alarming to America’s growing contingent of tin-foil-hatted security state paranoiacs. Following their one-on-one, he took Rose back to a room that held a prototype weapon — er, deliver system — that would give Amazon the ability to deliver items directly to your door via an unmanned drone. The drones will no doubt come in handy should you choose to order, say, an AGM-114 Hellfire missile, and certainly represent Amazon’s next big step toward figurative and literal world domination.
For the record, I have no idea what these things cost, but I’m pretty sure that if one of them shows up at my doorstep carrying the Susan Johanson Super Head Honcho simulated vagina and Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee I ordered, I’m leaving that stuff outside and just taking the drone.
That is if it even makes it to my house. Can you imagine the fun the neighborhood kids are going to have trying to shoot these things down?
Here’s the bottom line: drones are here to stay. They’re the future and as we’ve seen in several Terminator movies and five seasons of Battlestar Galactica, there’s no stopping the future. Eventually, most military vehicles will be unmanned, controlled by America’s most talented XBox players from rooms at Langley and in the 3rd sub-basement of the Pentagon. This isn’t paranoia — it’s simply reality. Will it put us at direct risk from hackers and other countries perfecting their own drone programs (to say nothing of Skynet)? Yes. But it’s difficult to imagine anyone turning back now.
Within five years billionaire Jeff Bezos hopes to be commander of his own personal fleet of drones. Welcome to the brave new world. I for one welcome our new multimedia entrepreneurial, online crap-dealing overlord.
Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.