Thanks For Nothing

My first Thanksgiving in San Francisco, when I was 21, I met a girl who invited me to a Thanksgiving Day protest. When I asked why they were protesting, she looked at me with disgust and said, “because of the rape and murder and exploitation of indigenous peoples by the Pilgrims.” Oh, that, right.

She was talking about this, aka, Indigenous People’s Day. But as San Francisco grew yuppier and whiter over the years, it seemed like “Turkey Day” inspired less and less outrage. Now that I’m back on the East Coast, even fewer shits appear to be given. I haven’t heard a single person say that he or she hates Thanksgiving or that no one should celebrate it. Pretty much everyone I know is embracing wholeheartedly the turkey slaughter, gluttony, consumerism and shared glee in the mockery of vegans and vegetarians that we’ve come to associate with this holiday.

So in that celebratory spirit, and knowing that many of you are probably too full and lazy to read words, here are some Thanksgiving videos you might enjoy:

Comedian Taryn Southern aptly captures my holiday experience of Thanksgiving with my cat:

Tracy Morgan: 28 Thanksgiving-y Things:

Gary Oldman: “We’re Glad You’re Not British Anymore”:

How to Ruin Thanksgiving:

This guy is kind of funny, but if you think you might be offended by the objectification of the hot, big-bootied bikini ladies at the end, don’t watch it: