Lifetime Remakes ’80s Teen Incest Classic “Flowers in the Attic,” to the Delight of Women Over 30 Everywhere

I’ve never looked forward to the holidays being over more than I have since I found out that in January, Ellen Burstyn and Heather Graham will appear in a Lifetime Television remake of the movie based on V.C. Andrews’ awesome teen incest classic Flowers in the Attic.

Watch the trailer quick – it appears parent company A&E is on a witch hunt to disappoint us all and obliterate trailers of this awesomeness from the Internet ASAP.

Here’s the trailer:

If you’re unfamiliar with the story, a woman decides she can’t handle the financial burden of her four children after her husband dies, so she takes the kids to the home of her deranged, cruel and psychotically religious mother and locks them in the attic. There, the kids languish, suffer ailing health and try to create some semblance of normality until the inevitable sister-brother fuck scene. Hilarity ensues. Well, sort of. It was a crazy, fucked-up novel to read at 11, but I can’t really imagine a better reader/audience than girls who are 11 years old, either.

Graham and Burstyn look pretty amazing in the trailer, during which a sad, girly version of Guns ‘n’ Roses’ “Sweet Child of Mine” plays over the horror and creepiness, but I’m not so impressed with the kids. Kiernan Shipka, who plays Sally Draper on Mad Men is not working for me, and neither is the bland-looking brother, played by Mason Dye. Although YouTube is packed with annoying fake fan trailers for this movie, I actually preferred the brother casting decision in a fake: Evan Walker, who plays Kyle/Kit/Tate in American Horror Story. Here’s this person’s pretend trailer:

I would bet a goodly amount of money that the Lifetime version will be better than the 1987 version starring Kristy Swanson, which was one of two movies I’ve seen in my life that I walked out before the ending of.