Sarah Palin’s Thoughts on the Pope Will Make You Want To Punch Her Words in the Throat

Some people have Google Alerts set up to keep them informed whenever certain topics they care about turn up in the news. I have whatever the opposite of that is — Google MakeItStop, I guess — in place to make sure I never have to hear the name “Sarah Palin” unless I’m determined to go looking for it. Keeps me from being inundated with endless frontier gibberish from America’s premier political entertainment cancer.

It’s probably because of that that I missed this gem yesterday:

“He’s had some statements that to me sound kind of liberal, has taken me aback, has kind of surprised me.”

That’s Palin in an interview with Jake Tapper expressing Very Serious Concern over the recent behavior of the pope. You know, Pope Francis, the guy who’s supposedly the holiest man on the planet. Palin is worried that he’s just becoming too liberal. As if the pope is A) in any way beholden to ugly and unsanctified conceits like politics and to taking sides in America’s stupid left-right standoff, and B) willing to give one single shit about what Sarah Palin thinks he might be doing wrong.

Seriously, this woman is a fucking idiot.

Listen, dumb-ass, I realize it’s rocking that pea-sized nugget underneath your giant bouffant ‘do that Pope Francis is behaving in a way that’s actually good, as opposed to just spouting platitudes and warnings about the need for everybody to submit to conventionalism or be damned. I get that you and your rotten ilk have hijacked the good name of Jesus and drafted him as your own personal right-wing cheerleader for so long that you forgot what Jesus really stood for. I know you’re flummoxed to the point of apoplexy by images of the pope embracing the sick and the poor, reaching out to gay people, and turning his back on hate and division — that which you thrive on — but consider this your fucking wake up call: everything he’s doing is what’s truly holy and Christ-like. You don’t like his supposedly “liberal” statements? Too fucking bad, because those statements are what being a good person is all about. You call it liberalism. He calls it being Christian.

I call it being human. I don’t even agree with the man’s belief system one iota and I still respect the things he’s done and the stances he’s taken so far since becoming pope. He’s leading by example. And best of all, if you really do recognize him as a vessel of God on this planet, his notion of what’s right and wrong carries a hell of a lot more weight than Sarah fucking Palin’s.

Update (11.14.13 2:30PM ET): Palin is now “clarifying” her position — and of course mostly blames the media for the misunderstanding.