Miley is a Feminist, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Fat Arms and Kate Hudson is Just Like Us

All this time I was thinking Miley Cyrus was a rebellious, irritating, desperate-for-attention overgrown child star. Turns out I was wrong.

Miley is a feminist. Who knew?

After appearing on stage at every opportunity wearing less than Tarzan would feel comfortable in, Miley explains that it’s her use of self-expression that puts her ahead of others. Apparently not caring what people think is unique to Miley and also groundbreaking. As is getting to wear whatever you want.

“I think I’m representing women in a cool way because people aren’t used to girls that are just like, ‘I genuinely don’t care what people think’,” said Cyrus. “And that’s what guys have always gotten to be, and especially in, like, a rock industry or whatever. I’m someone that loves pop music and I love mainstream music and I love what I do because I get to have this element of fun and surprise, which people normally don’t get to do. I get to wear whatever I want and be whatever I want.”

Miley, clearly in a jubilant mood about her impressive singing skills and her ability to wear very little constantly, added that she’s proud why her video has been watched so very many times.

“Guys, they like flip the channel when Miley Cyrus is coming on. You know I’m at least going to be kind of naked. So it makes people stick around and watch a little more. Then they are actually like, ‘ She can hold a note.’”

Oh Miley, in her deluded little world she thinks that people do actually think she’s a good singer. I find it a little sad that she thinks that her nakedness allows for people to stick listening to the song for that second or two longer. Either you can sing or you can’t. The amount of clothes you’re wearing will have little bearing on your ability to hold a tune.

And then we move to Banter editor Ben Cohen’s favourite personal trainer (to the stars) Tracy Anderson. Another strident feminist, Tracy tells us all how it is. Which I think is the following: there is no excuse to have more than 5% body fat. Not working out makes you a bad person. Criticising someone who has a ‘perfect’ body is very wrong. And if we want to avoid all of the above, her new DVD is available.

Tracy is very proud of her work with Gwyneth Paltrow. Although I couldn’t find the offending picture of Gywn’s arm next to Kate Moss, one assumes it looks like a giant, flabby sausage, bereft of muscle and sorely lacking in fake tan next to the waif that is Kate Moss.

“If you look at her arm, how chunky does it look next to Kate Moss’ arm years ago?” Says Tracy. “If you look at her now, she looks a lot better. She looks fantastic. What makes me mad, is, why is that not inspirational? Why do women cricitise women who work hard? It doesn’t make any sense.”

Essentially, if you haven’t bothered reading the above quote it can be summed up by the following: look how fat Gwyneth’s arm was and look how thin it is now. People who criticise are bitches.

And finally, Kate Hudson can always be relied upon to keep it real. She’s just like the rest of us. Seriously. She struggles. Hear her struggling.

Two kids, a small fiancée (it is a known fact that Matt Bellamy is teeny tiny), several houses to maintain and a very successful highly paid film career.

While doing an interview in Harper’s Bazaar, Kate admits that she can’t afford the designer dresses that cost as much as a car.

“I can’t afford to buy that stuff. There are certain things I splurge on, but it’s very rare, especially when you have two kids and school tuition. I wish I could but the truth is things are just so expensive.”

Really? Designer clothes are expensive? Thanks for the heads up.

And fear not, us poor folk will soon have access to some glamour. Kate has come to our rescue and decided to design a fashion range. “I want to reach a larger amount of women, where they can afford the things I’m selling. Especially with the economy, it doesn’t make sense to me anymore.”

One assumes she means spending a lot of money on clothes doesn’t make sense to her and not just trying to work out the economy in general.