For any conservatives out there curious as to what life is like for their political counterparts , there’s no need to postulate or wonder: a Harvard study on happiness shows that aging liberals in fact have more robust sex lives compared to conservatives.
I know, high-fives all around.
This study, which took 75 years to actually finish, was started back in 1938 at Harvard University and examined the lives of 268 different male undergraduate students as well as the multitude of facets that go into ‘happiness’. The research, which was to establish what factors contribute the most to human males flourishing, is considered to be the most comprehensive of any study done and has accrued a plethora of data with interesting conclusions. One of the more fascinating (and arguably most important) findings of the study is that aging liberal men have way more sex than their conservative counterparts. The study shows that most conservative men become sexually inactive around age 68 where as most liberal men have had robust and active sex lives well into their 80’s. George Vaillant, the director of the study who spent more than three decades conducting it, noted this phenomena and its inexplicable nature in his book, “I have consulted urologists about this, and they have no idea why it might be so.”
Even though it may stump urologists, here are a few plausible reasons why aging liberals have so much more sex than conservatives:
Unlike conservatives, liberals show a modicum of respect towards the right a woman has to do whatever she wants with her body, which I imagine would make finding a willing sex partner a lot easier
Liberals have a strong grasp of how basic biology functions, unlike conservatives (there are ways to not get pregnant from rape, right?)
Conservatives believe in repressing sexual desires and practicing abstinence where as liberals believe in embracing their sexuality in a way that’s both safe and wildly more realistic (and fun too)
Liberals believe that love has no boundaries and that marriage is a basic right every loving couple should be privy to, conservatives do not (ever notice it’s all the liberals making out at LGBT rallies and not the conservatives?)
Liberals are really, really, ridiculously good looking.
For those interested in reading more about the study and what factors correlate to happiness in males, you can check out George Vaillant’s book called the Triumphs of Experience. As for the rest of you folk who likely have aging liberal parents, when their bedroom door is closed, it’s probably for a reason.