10 Reasons Why Justin Bieber is Not a Vampire.

Despite Justin making any girl he talks to sign some kind of scary document detailing how they’ll lose their house/car/future children if they reveal any details of their encounter, some clever girl has been ever so naughty. Brazilian Tati Neves filmed Justin sleeping peacefully in his bed. Like a baby – because he is a baby (this is after he’s been spotted leaving a brothel and spraying graffiti on a hotel wall).

But more importantly it kind of proves he is not, as many people believe, a vampire. Here are the reasons:

1. He sleeps. And not in a coffin. In a bed.

2. His baseball cap is next to him. Like a teddy bear. Vampires definitely don’t do that. They have blood or a bat (the horrible flying animal and not for baseball) as their comforter.

3.  Tati clearly had to sign the disclaimer, yet she shot the video and she still lives. This proves he’s not a cold-blooded murderer/blood-sucker.

4.  It looks light in the video. Vampires don’t like light.

5.  He does age. He can now almost grow a tiny bit of facial hair.

6. His middle name is Drew. Vampires don’t have middle names. Unless anyone knows Dracula’s middle name (does Dracula even have a surname?).

7.  He’s Canadian. It’s a well known fact vampires only come from Transylvania (or Seattle if you’ve watched Twilight).

8. He likes Jesus. Vampires in general are not religious.

9.  He flies on private jets. Vampires are super-speedy and don’t need jets to get around.

10. One day, when he’s 50, he’ll have a pot-belly, be broke and playing tiny bars in front of women who are 50 and think they’re married to him. He’ll also have at least 20 children and vampires can’t procreate.

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