Marines To Wear Damn Obama-Approved Queer Hats Because He Hates Our Troops and America

Prepare yourself for Hat-gate.

The New York Post (motto: “The Best Bird Cage Liner in the Tri-State Area”) published a story yesterday with the comically alarmist headline “Obama wants Marines to wear ‘girly’ hats.” Basically, the Post is peeved over a proposal to change the traditional Marine cover to a more streamlined unisex design. Why? Because, of course, in the apparently syphilis-addled minds of the writers for the Post, the new hats look gay.

Sure, the article doesn’t come out and say they look gay — again, it calls them “girly” — but the very first line of the story says the new hats look like they’d be at home on Christopher Street. For those of you who aren’t familiar with New York City, Christopher Street is where the Stonewall Inn is located, if you get the Post‘s limp-wristed drift.

It then goes on to quote a nameless indignant Marine that it pulled directly out of its ass:

“We don’t even have enough funding to buy bullets, and the DoD is pushing to spend $8 million on covers that look like women’s hats!” one senior Marine source fumed to The Post. “The Marines deserve better. It makes them look ridiculous.”

Further feminizing the new proposed covers is the fact that, according to another anonymous angry person, it makes our Marines look the “soldiers” of a certain cheese-eating country full of spineless surrender-monkeys who don’t speak English.

“The Dan Daly cap looks too French, and the last people we want to associate our Marines with would be the French military,” wrote one commenter on the Marine Times Web site.

Dan Daly, whom the new proposed hats are named for, by the way, was a World War I hero who twice earned the Medal of Honor. The hats were standard issue Marine wear during the early 1900s. The idea that somehow the shape of a dress cover is going to make a United States Marine feel somehow insecure and emasculated is a little silly, but of course you know that.

Although who knows — maybe Colonel Jessup really is gonna be pissed he can’t make fun of the Navy uniforms anymore.

Completely Predictable Update: Needless to say, the entire Post story is bullshit.

Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.