The Single Worst Thing Ever To Come Off of Glenn Greenwald’s Keyboard

Well, it’s finally happened. Behold the single worst thing to ever be shot out of Glenn Greenwald’s Twitter feed:

Actually, I suppose that if you’re looking to compile physical evidence of Greenwald’s sins against both journalism and intellectual honesty and to gain an understanding of exactly how he thinks and behaves, this thing is the fucking Rosetta Stone.

The “coalition of current and former military, police, and other public officials” that Greenwald so gleefully ballyhoos in the above tweet is the Oath Keepers. Greenwald of course doesn’t call them by name; he leaves that important detail out. The reason is that the Oath Keepers are a lunatic far-right militia who believe, among other things, that Barack Obama is a card-carrying communist, the U.N. is going to put troops on American soil, and our nation’s cities will soon be turned into concentration camps under the control of FEMA.

Where the Oath Keepers get their name is that they’ve sworn to defend our country against all of these phantom threats, the ones that exist solely in that tiny, empty space between their ears. They really are made up of ex-cops and ex-military; Glenn wasn’t lying about that. In classic Greenwaldian fashion he just neglected to mention that these particular ex-cops and ex-military are all batshit crazy paranoiacs whom no one should take seriously under any circumstances whatsoever. But Greenwald apparently does, and, as is standard practice, he does so only because they happen to agree with him on the one issue that he’s determined for everyone is most important in this world. The one thing that overrides all other considerations.

Never mind that the Oath Keepers are advocates of armed insurrection against the government of the United States; never mind that they traffic in conspiracist fever dreams; never mind that guys like former Gilberton, Pennsylvania police chief Mark Kessler, who became infamous for his YouTube rants against “faggots” and for posting clips of himself shooting at a Nancy Pelosi target, are big supporters of the Oath Keepers; don’t concern yourself with any of that because all that really matters is that they support Ed Snowden.

It’s exactly the kind of thing that happened when the utopian left encouraged everyone to “Stand With Rand,” because for two seconds they and Rand Paul happened to be in agreement about something.

For the record, because you really have to see it in its full glory to appreciate it, here’s the full oath of membership from the Oath Keepers’ website:

1. We will NOT obey orders to disarm the American people.

2. We will NOT obey orders to conduct warrantless searches of the American people.

3. We will NOT obey orders to detain American citizens as ‘unlawful enemy combatants’ or to subject them to military tribunal.

4. We will NOT obey orders to impose martial law or a ‘state of emergency’ on a state.

5. We will NOT obey orders to invade and subjugate any state that asserts its sovereignty.

6. We will NOT obey any order to blockade American cities, thus turning them into giant concentration camps.

7. We will NOT obey any order to force American citizens into any form of detention camps under any pretext.

8. We will NOT obey orders to assist or support the use of any foreign troops on U.S. soil against the American people to ‘keep the peace’ or to ‘maintain control.’

9. We will NOT obey any orders to confiscate the property of the American people, including food and other essential supplies.

10. We will NOT obey any orders which infringe on the right of the people to free speech, to peaceably assemble, and to petition their government for a redress of grievances.

Now if you’re like me, you’re thinking to yourself, “Thank God for the Oath Keepers, otherwise I and all of my fellow Americans would be disarmed and in U.N.-controlled concentration camps right now.” This ridiculous “oath” is like saying, “We will NOT aid the Majestic Consortium in its plan to deliver an extraterrestrial virus to the American population through Africanized bees, leading to the spontaneous colonization of the planet.” It’s like saying you’re armed and ready to defend the country from fucking unicorns. And calling the Oath Keepers “a coalition of current and former military, police, and other public officials” is like calling Norman Bates “a polite young man who really loves his mother.”

And Greenwald just promoted them, either because he has no idea who they are — which would make him really, really stupid — or he knows exactly who they are and purposely and duplicitously glossed over that. Given his penchant for engaging in doublespeak and leaving out facts which don’t corroborate his own biases, I’m guessing it’s the latter. Either way, Greenwald has now officially aligned himself with the farthest of the far-right, proving more than ever that the Glenn Greenwald left and the Alex Jones right are now one and the same.

By the way, the Oath Keepers’ founder, Stewart Rhodes, is a former Ron Paul staffer.

And a partridge in a pear tree.

Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.