Headline of the Day: Run To the Hills

“Iron Maiden’s Bruce Dickinson Denies Manufacturing Drones for US Military”

I get that those are words and that they’re arranged one after the other but I can’t say that I ever thought I’d see them strung together in exactly that order.

Apparently, a tiny online publication called the Dorset Eye — “News and Events Reported by the People to the Community” of Dorset, England — posted a piece that accuses longtime Iron Maiden frontman Bruce Dickinson of receiving a $500 million contract from the U.S. government to build drones. Now certainly it’s hard to imagine anything more fearsome or deadly than the “Eddie 9000” predator drone, which would surely be equipped with two Ibanez Destroyers alongside a 15-foot high Marshall stack, capable of devastating the enemy with a 666-decibel sonic blast that would vaporize it on contact (if anything were left over, the Eddie would then hurl giant, spinning axes at it). Unfortunately, though, the story is a pretty wild exaggeration.

Dickinson, as it turns out, was an early investor in a company called Hybrid Air Vehicles, which manufactures lighter-than-air blimp-style airships for use in military and civilian transportation, humanitarian airlifting, and so on. Take one look at these things and you immediately understand that there’s not much in the way of potential armed attack applications going on there; they’re basically big flying manatees. The U.S. military is interested in Hybrid Air Vehicles and so are a lot of other global organizations; to claim that they’re going to be used as drones in the traditional sense is one hell of a leap both journalistically and in basic logic. So for now anyway, Bruce Dickinson will have to be content to continue killing people one at a time with a sword.

In a related item, the Dorset Eye is proud to welcome its new editor-in-chief, Glenn Greenwald.

Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.