5 Year Old Brings Gun to School, Accidentally Goes Off in Cafeteria

In most countries around the world, parents worry about things like bullying, the quality of teachers and facilities at the schools they send their 5 year olds to.

Not in America.

At Westside Elementary School in Tennessee, a 5 year old brought a loaded gun to school in his backpack that accidentally went off in the cafeteria. Shelby County Schools released the following statement:

“This morning at Westside Elementary School, a Kindergarten student brought a firearm to school in his backpack. While waiting for the opening bell in the cafeteria, the firearm discharged accidentally inside the child’s backpack. Nobody was injured, and staff immediately took possession of the backpack. SCS Security and the Memphis Police Department responded quickly, and the matter is now under investigation. There is no evidence at this time of harmful intent; however, weapons of any kind are prohibited on campuses, and this student will be disciplined in accordance with the state’s zero tolerance policy. The safety of our students and staff is of the utmost importance. Staff is trained to handle emergency situations, and all students were kept safe and calm while this matter was handled.”

One could argue that America might want to review its gun laws when five year olds are packing heat in the school lunch room, but that would be anti freedom. Goddammit, American kids have the right to defend themselves from bullies! You took my lunch money? Fuck you, I’ll blast your head off!

Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.