So two babies have been born recently that seemed to have dominated headlines. One is George (as a Brit, I probably have to refer to him as Prince George for fear of my head not remaining connected to my body) and the other is North West, the Kardashian-West baby girl. After careful consideration and hours of contemplation, it seems to me that it’s definitely better being a royal baby than a reality one (no offense to the babies, they are, after all, just babies and by their very nature: cute).
Here are the top 10 reasons why a royal baby is better than a reality baby:
1. George will never need to carry money. Royals don’t pay for anything in Britain.
2. He’s going to be a King. That’s kind of cool. Not enough people wear crowns these days.
3. He won’t need to have some kind of “manufactured” drama on his reality show every week, mainly because he won’t have one, but we all know that as soon as North can talk, she’ll be starring in her own.
4. George’s dad, William, seems nice. Kanye is always scowling and looking angry. And attacking photographers. And thinks he’s some kind of ‘nucleus of the world’. This seems like rather strange behavior to me, and surely the beginning of the creation of another Lindsay Lohan/Amanda Bynes/Justin Bieber nightmare.
5. Being a famous boy is probably easier than being a famous girl. Think of all the extra money needed for hairdressers and trainers (the personal kind, not the footwear).
6. There’s no need to worry and have the generic existential crisis: what will I do when I grow up? It’s kind of already decided. For North, the questions are endless. Reality tv, music, fashion, wrestler…
7. George can get in to quite a lot of trouble and people won’t really mind. Naked pool playing? So what? Underage drinking? Who cares? For North, the tabloids will immediately want to send her to rehab and do community service.
8. Equally, when the time does come for the inevitable ‘freak out,’ the photos of North will be unflattering and George will be referred to as ‘just growing up,’ and ‘dealing with the pressures of royalty.’
9. When he’s about 70, he’ll be a King. North will just be 70.
10. He’ll get to marry someone really posh. North will probably marry a comedian for a month when she’s 19. Then an actor when she’s 25. Then lose her money. Then find religion.
No competition really.