6 Jobs Anthony Weiner Would be Perfect For

As Anthony Weiner’s career hangs in the balance, the former Congressman and current NYC Mayoral candidate might want to explore other career options should his latest sex scandal bring him down once and for all.

Weiner has a problem with, well, his weiner, so he might want to look into job opportunities that embrace the characteristics of a narcissistic sex pest. It’s not all doom and gloom for the serial ‘sexter’, and given the right direction he could find himself in a very fulfilling career.

Here’s our guide to Anthony Weiner’s career alternatives:

1. Professional Fluffer. 

Weiner is very good at getting his weiner out – the perfect skill set for keeping porn stars aroused while sexual positions are changed for the cameras. It’s a tough job staying horny all day, but Weiner managed to maintain a marriage, become a congressman, run a highly stressful office and send hundred of tawdry emails and pictures of his penis to half a dozen women over social media. If anyone could become a fluffer, it’s Anthony Weiner.

2. NYC Subway Announcer

While in Congress, Weiner apparently liked to shout at his employees, throw furniture around the room and make everyone in his office’s life a living nightmare. Everyone has their ‘thing’, and it seems Weiner’s is bossing people around. So what better in his next reincarnation than being a subway announcer? Weiner could spend all day telling people to get on and off trains, and most importantly, ruin their commute by smugly telling them about delays.

3. Catholic Priest

Weiner might be Jewish, but the Catholic priest lifestyle might be more up his alley. He could get his penis out all day and the Church wouldn’t bat an eyelid. They’d spend millions of dollars covering it up, and probably even promote him. It would be a damn sight better than dealing the pesky national media and his political opponents every day who are always out to get him.

4. Hot Dog Stand Owner

“Weiner’s Weiners” – it would make an absolute killing.

5. Social Media Expert

For a 48 year old man, Weiner knows a heck of a lot about social media. He sent pictures of his genitals over Twitter, facebook, text and email. The man knows how to get his message out – a vital skill for companies that want to expand their reach. It seems Weiner is particularly good at capturing the 18-21 female market, so perhaps a gig in a growing fashion company might suit him.

6. Employment Agent

According to reports, Weiner promised the 22 year old woman he was ‘sexting’ he would try and get her gig at Politico in return for sexual favors. Minus the whole sexual favors bit, this could be a promising lead for him to follow. He’s a connected man and could help lots of young people find jobs in politics. Given it’s unlikely Weiner will be in office anytime soon, they won’t have to work for him either!

Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.