How to Make it Lindsay Lohan Style: Go to Rehab and Get a Reality Show!

Great news for all Lindsay Lohan fans out there (I know they are in plentiful supply) because Queen of TV Oprah has announced that Troubled Lindsay (someone should really trademark that) is to not only give her first TV interview with Oprah, but that there will also be a docu-series following Lindsay around for a bit.

I know. It’s exciting, right?

And it now emerges that Lindsay signed on to that dotted line whilst in rehab (the first rehab, not the second, please keep up) when she was obviously thinking clearly and not at all about the money. Not at all. Nope. Definitely not.

So on top of a (no doubt) long interview with Oprah, there will be eight episodes of canned reality television a ‘docu-series’ following Lindsay which will be out next year. Clearly not planning for any setbacks, the network says it will follow Lindsay ‘as she works to rebuild her career and remain healthy.’

Fingers crossed for her sobriety then.

I am now open to suggestions as to how many times the following phrases will be used:

“I have to take responsibility for my actions.”

“I wasn’t in a good place at the time.”

“My family have been amazing.”

“I want to work.”

“I’ve really grown as a person on this spiritual journey.”

I can understand the interview. Although Lindsay’s rehab was court-ordered, I assume that does not mean the court was willing to pay for Betty Ford followed by her new location on the beach in Malibu for the 90-day stretch. And someone has to pay for all that therapy.

I imagine the structure of the 8 part series as follows:

Episode 1: First day out. “I feel amazing.”

Episode 2: First two weeks out. “I’m not sure I like this.”

Episode 3: First month out. Exhibiting strange behaviour. Talking to walls. Buys pink wig. Starts hanging out with Amanda Bynes.

Episode 4: 2 months in. Seeing therapist twice daily. Back on track.

Episode 5: First job since rehab.

Episode 6: Gets lead in new massive blockbuster.

Episode 7: Meets man of her dreams.

Episode 8: Gets married and discovers she’s pregnant.

Wow. It’s almost like it’s following some sort of script…

Oh did I mention she’ll be getting $2 million…?