Here’s today’s rundown of everything you should be talking about:
1. Doing its best to catch up to the modern age (LOL) The Vatican is offering its twitter followers time off of your inevitable purgatory sentences if you “follow” them — yes, you heard me correct. If you follow the pope on twitter, you’re a little less likely to be queued for an eternity while being absolved of all your sins. Listen, I am all for efficiency and the shortening of lines in general (I’m a German, das ist gut) but this is TWITTER we’re talking about. The same place where some of the best, most influential minds can’t even take the time to SPELL properly. “A senior Vatican official warned web-surfing Catholics that indulgences still required a dose of old-fashioned faith, and that paradise was not just a few mouse clicks away.” — are you sure about that, Pope? I mean, have you SEEN the kind of shit on the internet these days?
2. In a backwards effort to sell issues, or at least run itself into the ground Rolling Stone has decided that Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev will appear on the cover of the Aug. 3 issue. The feature article promises to explain “how a popular, promising student was failed by his family, fell into radical Islam, and became a monster.” Maybe if this was the Rolling Stone of let’s say…. Hunter S. Thompson’s time and an actual source of journalistic integrity I’d be a little more inclined to let the cover slide, but this is a publication that puts half-naked Rockstars on the front to sell issues. I mean, it’s essentially a “rag” these days that sits prominently amongst other rags at the grocery check-out counter. Don’t you think a little more thought should have gone into this, Rolling Stone? A little sensitivity goes a long way in this world.
3. In case you missed it Jenny McCarthy was recently hired as the next smoking gun for long time, ill-fated television show “The View” and if her previous resume has anything to say about it, she’s got all the right qualifications — from one gig as buxom blonde bimbo willing to berate those around her to another! Everyone worth a damn is up in arms about the hiring due to McCarthy’s stance that vaccinations can lead to autism, but I’m just curious when she’s going to start pairing up those grumpy old politicians with each other. Now that’s a version of “The View” I would start watching.
4. Just like Russell Brand on “Morning Joe” and John Stewart on “Crossfire”, Senator Elizabeth Warren turns a CNBC’s “Squawk Box” into an episode of Monday night RAW by laying the smack-down on the clueless co-hosts and she does it with class. Best video I’ve seen all week and I’m the kind of girl who Googles “adorable siberian husky puppies” on the regular.