At some point today I’m going to have to sit down and begin writing tomorrow’s piece for the Daily Banter. I generally fret over this and when I come across a subject that I know I can turn into something column-length, I save it for Banter because that’s one less 6,000-pound Jenga piece making up the giant tower of pressure that rests on my shoulders 24/7 these days.
I could save myself some trouble. I could easily just crank out a full-length piece on David Sirota’s latest desperate, pre-adolescent act of lashing out in the name of trying to get the attention of the adults. But I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t because Sirota really is a sniveling little shit who in no way deserves the effort or the copy.
Fresh off Salon’s damn-near epic decimation at the hands of Patton Oswalt over the weekend, the site that’s become little more than the internet’s proud home for liberal outrage porn decided to prove its mettle once again by running a Sirota column that somehow managed to conflate the killing of Trayvon Martin by George Zimmerman — and Zimmerman’s subsequent acquittal — with the U.S. government’s killing of American-born al Qaeda terrorist mastermind Anwar al-Awlaki and the 16-year-old son he’d educated in the ways of jihad.
No, I’m not linking to the fucking thing. Here’s the salient quote:
“Zimmerman’s presumption of guilt and his subsequent actions mimic those of his own government, and therefore reflect a larger attitudinal shift in the nation at large
Remember, in the same year that saw Zimmerman kill Martin, Zimmerman’s president, Barack Obama, extrajudicially executed Anwar al-Awlaki and then his 16-year-old son, without charging either of the two U.S. citizens with a single crime…
Explaining the Zimmerman-like aggression against the Awlakis and thousands of others who find themselves targeted by U.S. drone strikes missiles, the federal government later offered up the Zimmerman Principle, repeating the same sentiment that Zimmerman expressed during his cellphone call to non-emergency responders.”
Yeah. Now if you’re sane, chances are you want to throttle Sirota right about now, but to paraphrase Tangina Barrons in Poltergeist, clear your mind, he knows what angers you. Sirota wants you to react the way you, me, anyone with a functional brain and a generous sense of shame would react to drivel like this. He wants you to fire off indignant tweets with his name on them. He’s the guy who wrote an entire book blaming our current political climate on Die Hard and Ghostbusters and seemed to do it with a straight face; tawdrily dismissing the realities black Americans face in this country and have for centuries, and opportunistically using the Zimmerman verdict to once again scold the Obama administration for not showing deference to his pet issue — ironically, scolding the first black President of the United States — is child’s play for someone who can troll that hard.
It should be noted that while it may sound like I’m beating up on Sirota, I’m actually giving him a lot of credit here. I’m assuming that he knows what he’s doing and is purposely being inflammatory in the name of keeping himself relevant so that he can continue writing for Salon and can continue arguing that the critics loved his book and it was a bestseller every time anyone calls it out for having the most ridiculous premise in the history of non-fiction literature. (Seriously, do that sometime. Tweet at him how silly the central thesis of that book is and watch him whip out his press clippings like he’s the Orphans trying to prove to the Warriors that they’re bad-asses.) That’s gotta be better than the alternative, which is to basically just come right out and accuse him of being monumentally fucking stupid. Although, I suppose he can be a combination of both.
Incidentally, the original headline for the piece issued the declaration, in predictably bombastic Salon fashion, “We Are All Threats Now.”
No, Sirota. You’re not a threat to anybody. You’re just a douche.
Chez Pazienza was the beating heart of The Daily Banter, sadly passing away on February 25, 2017. His voice remains ever present at the Banter, and his influence as powerful as ever.