In this week’s festive edition of The Daily Banter Mail Bag, Ben, Bob, Chez and Jessica discuss which country we think Edward Snowden will end up in, the prospect of a Ted Nugent Presidency, and what we’re doing (did) for the 4th of July!
1. It looks like poor little Eddie Snowden can’t find a country willing to give him asylum. It’s something like 20 countries now and still no takers. Where do you think he’ll finally end up?
Ben: I take it you’re not a fan Pete…Look, I think Snowden is very brave, but is also an idiot. He’s going to have a real hard time finding sympathizers around the world because he did something so blatantly illegal, and it’s not something many governments are going to want to damage their relations with the US over. Where will he end up? Difficult to say, but he needs to go somewhere where there is no chance a future government will hand him over. Certain countries in Latin America might seems a good bet now (Bolivia, Ecuador, Venezuela etc), but a change in leadership could be disastrous for him. So that probably means China (that’s if I were him).
Bob: I really don’t know. Of course, there’s an increasingly likely chance he’ll end up back here, probably, where he’ll receive a relatively short sentence, and then he’ll re-emerge with his own Greenwald-style blog that will surely infuriate me for many years to come. The other question is what will happen to future Edward Snowdens? I doubt we’ll see many more NSA leakers in our future because ultimately his legacy will be a more opaque NSA with tighter security when it comes to analysts.
Chez: I honestly don’t know — maybe he’ll be the next president of Egypt.
Jessica: I vote either a McDonald’s or Antarctica. No one ever thinks of going there. It’s too cold for anyone to want to chase him and there are polar bears there for him to be friends with. Bonus.
2. Have you heard that Ted Nugent’s saying he might run for president in 2016. How awful/awesome would that be?
Chez: Whatever. Can we just skip the campaign and get right to the assassination?
Bob: He’ll run in the same way Donald Trump “ran” for president. In other words, he won’t. But if he does, wow – I’ll have an endless supply of blogging material.
Jessica: Personally I think it would be brilliant if the following happened: his hair was all long and stringy and looked like it needed a good wash. He wore ripped jeans. And he took his guitar to all meetings, especially the important ones and during tense moments would whip it out and get everyone to have a sing song.
Ben: Fuck Ted Nugent. That’s all I have to say.
3. How do you plan to spend the 4th of July? (For you Brits, will you be sulking?)
Bob: Shocker: I actually spent much of my Independence Day arguing with trolls on Twitter. But for the evening, I’ll be watching the fireworks display over Kailua Bay with my beautiful fiancee from the comfort of our living room (we have a hell of a view). And then I’ll drunk-tweet about the assholes in my neighborhood who are terrorizing my dogs by popping off M80s all night.
Chez: I’m already drunk. Also, I’ll be flying my crop-duster into the primary weapon of the alien ship currently sitting out over the Southern California desert a little later. Don’t thank me.
Ben: Drowning my sorrows in an alleyway in my neighborhood in DC. The bars and streets are packed with full Americans, overjoyed at the fact they defeated us in battle. I feel very alone at this time of year.
Jessica: Ah yes, Americans love asking us what we will be doing to celebrate the 4 July. Our papers are filled with recipes about making the perfect burger and pointers on how best to barbecue, But, and I hate to disappoint anyone, my 4 July is spent doing pretty much exactly the same as my 3 July was and probably how my 5 July will go. I apologise. I know you probably wanted me to write that I would be sulking. Alas. If it makes any Americans feel better, I wish we were as one because it would make the line at customs a bit more manageable.
Who Said This?
“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”
a) Abraham Lincoln
b) Alec Baldwin
UPDATE: Answer can be found here!