Bob Cesca’s hilarious piece on Glenn Beck denying that he’s a conspiracy theorist while raising the question of a media conspiracy to label him a conspiracy theorist also contained a fantastic, ‘Top 9’ list of his whackiest conspiracy theories. These were too good to be hidden and deserve highlighting in their own post.
They are all pretty crazy, but I’ve reorganized them to go from nuts to outright batshit insane – a task that was actually a little harder than anticipated.
Here they are:
9. The Cap-and-Trade / Crime, Inc Conspiracy.Simon Maloy described this theory like so: “In order to perpetuate the ‘redistribution of wealth’ scam that is cap-and-trade, an environmental organization that used to have Barack Obama on its board steered grants to the Chicago Climate Exchange, whose investors include Al Gore, Fannie Mae, and Goldman Sachs. At the same time, the former CEO of Fannie Mae secured a patent for carbon trade swap and managed to steer money to a group called the Emerald Cities Collaborative, which was linked to a Wisconsin college professor (dubbed “the wizard” by Beck) who has influence over Obama, somehow.” But he’s totally not a conspiracy theorist.
8. Cass Sunstein Will Kill Us All. During President Obama’s first term, Beck engaged in an ongoing smear of former Obama administration official Cass Sunstein who, according to Beck, is the “most evil man” in America and “the invisible hand that’s pushing you.” Sunstein is one of the reasons why Beck said we need to buy guns. Beck also said that Sunstein is a Nazi who’s planning a Second Bill of Rights and would soon “be responsible for many, many deaths.” In fact, Beck mentioned Sunstein again in his rant about conspiracy theories yesterday! But he’s totally not a conspiracy theorist.
7. Google and the Government. Beck urged his listeners not to use Google because of an apparent disinformation campaign being orchestrated by the popular internet company: “Who are they? Are they right? Are they left? Are they clean? Are they dirty? Are they front groups? I don’t know. May I recommend if you’re doing your own homework, don’t do a Google search. It seems to me that Google is pretty deeply in bed with the government. Remember, maybe this is explaining why Google is being kicked out of all the other countries. Are they just a shill now for the United States government? Who is Jared Cohen? Is he a private citizen or government operative? And isn’t this the second Google guy we’ve found? This is the second Google executive now being exposed as an instigator of a revolution.” But he’s totally not a conspiracy theorist.
6. The Entertainment Industry Foundation’s Maoist Agenda. According to Beck, the EIF aims to spread Maoism via television programming, specifically via programs that allegedly promote “volunteerism.” What Beck doesn’t mention is that Rupert Murdoch is an honorary board member of the EIF. But he’s totally not a conspiracy theorist.
5. Obama Loves the World Trade Center Bomber. Beck, through his website, reported that the Obama administration was plotting to release the so-called Blind Sheikh to Egypt as a way to resolve the crisis there. The conspiracy theory rapidly circulated through Republican circles leading Reps. Lamar Smith, Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, Mike Rogers, Buck McKeon, Peter King, Hal Rogers, Frank Wolf and Kay Granger to write to the administration demanding answers. Incidentally, this is one of the big reasons why Beck, Jones and others are dangerous — when their gibberish crosses through the semi-permeable barrier into the realm of the congressional Republicans it ceases to be entertainment and morphs into serious business. But he’s totally not a conspiracy theorist.
4. System X is Spying on Our Schools. On his show, Beck wheeled out his chalk board to explain how this one works. Through a series of scribblings and spooky words, Beck outlined a conspiracy in which the Department of Education is installing sensors in school chairs and MRI machines in classrooms in order to gather personal information about students and parents as a means of establishing “System X” with one political party controlling all aspects of life. He described this Ayn Rand inspired plot as a “progressive bonanza.” But he’s totally not a conspiracy theorist.
3. The Boston Marathon Bombing Cover-up. In the aftermath of the terrorist attack in Boston, Beck made headlines with the conspiracy theory that the government wasn’t telling us the whole truth about the “Saudi national” who was questioned and released. “The government has not come clean. Some of this information has come out over the weekend, and immediately the government tried to discredit it.” But he’s totally not a conspiracy theorist.
2. The Oklahoma City False Flag. In 2010 Beck theorized that the Obama administration would orchestrate an Oklahoma City-style terrorist attack in order to improve Obama’s connection to the American people. “They are setting up an Oklahoma City, they are claiming that one is coming and they’re already marked the one who caused it,” he said. Alex Jones’ InfoWars website noticed that Beck had essentially stolen the theory from them. But he’s totally not a conspiracy theorist.
1. The Egyptian Marxist Caliphate. I can’t even unwrap all of the moving parts on this one, but it involves communism, a new Franz Ferdinand moment, a “shadow government” in Egypt along with red flags in Wisconsin (??) and Arianna Huffington hosting “Shadow Party Conventions.” Uh. Yeah. But he’s totally not a conspiracy theorist.
Agree or disagree with the list? Do you have a personal favorite, or one Bob didn’t cover? Comment below!
(Image via Shutterstock)
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.