In any given episode of a Glenn Beck show, you can be assured of hearing something hilarious. Lately, Beck has been jumping up and down about non-existent Boston Bombing conspiracies, comparing New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg to a Nazi, and claiming the suicide of a potential mass shooter at Houston airport was akin to the fire at the German Reichstag in 1933.
Sure, that’s pretty crazy, but it’s nothing compared to some of the other stuff he’s said over the years. Beck specializes in a unique brand of creative thinking where completely unrelated events can be strung together to form a completely alternative reality that only he understands.
In homage to Beck’s madness, we went back in history to find the craziest stuff he’s ever said. There were many, many other quotes that could have made the top 5, but the following 5 nuggets of sheer lunacy were, in our opinion, the very best:
1. “I’m thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I’m wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. … No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong? I stopped wearing my What Would Jesus — band — Do, and I’ve lost all sense of right and wrong now. I used to be able to say, ‘Yeah, I’d kill Michael Moore,’ and then I’d see the little band: What Would Jesus Do? And then I’d realize, ‘Oh, you wouldn’t kill Michael Moore. Or at least you wouldn’t choke him to death.’ And you know, well, I’m not sure.” –responding to the question “What would people do for $50 million?”, The Glenn Beck Program, May 17, 2005
2. “Al Gore’s not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization…And you must silence all dissenting voices. That’s what Hitler did. That’s what Al Gore, the U.N., and everybody on the global warming bandwagon [are doing].” – The Glenn Beck Program, May 1, 2007
3. “You know, we all have our inner demons. I, for one – I can’t speak for you, but I’m on the verge of moral collapse at any time. It can happen by the end of the show.” – The Glenn Beck Program, Nov. 6, 2006
4. “The violent left is coming to our streets, all of our streets, to smash, to tear down, to kill, to bankrupt, to destroy. It is will be global in its nature and global in its scope” – Values Voter Summit, Novemer 10 2008
5. When you watch Barack Obama, you can just see he is angry….No matter how much power he has amassed, no matter how many friends in the media he has, Americans know. And if they reject it this time, if they’re so dead inside – that’s a possibility – if they’re so dead inside that they can no longer see the difference between good and evil, we have to be destroyed because we will be a remarkable evil on this planet.” – The Glenn Beck Program, 5 November 2012
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.