Guest post by Jessica Furst
Steven Mulvain emailed the document to Downing Street and three
departments together with a covering letter in which he warned
that the contents “should not be shared externally” because they
“even the most far-fetched of ideas”.
The “ideas” in question, which included suggestions that the Pope should
launch a range of “Benedict” condoms and open an abortion clinic, have
offended the Vatican that senior officials there are questioning
visit should go ahead at all.
This is what happens when you don’t have enough to do right before an
election: you mess around. You pretend like you’re really important and
write things you shouldn’t. You probably sneak in to your boss’ office
and put your feet on his desk and pretend to ring his secretary to bring
you a cup of tea.
Because it turns out that a junior civil
servant, basically a baby of 23 (who guess what? Went to Oxford
university, thereby proving that whilst it may be hard to get in there,
it’s still filled with people who have next to no common sense), in the
Foreign Office decided it would be fun to think of imaginative things
for the Pope to do whilst he’s over here in Britain for his visit in
These include opening an abortion clinic, dueting with
the Queen, meet Subo, apologise for the Spanish Armada and launching a
Benedict-branded condom range. Things have got so bad, the Pope may not
visit now at all.
It is often said that us Brits have no sense of
humour; that we are innately unfunny. Oh how we proved them wrong. And
it also proves that young people should never be left alone, in an
office, with important papers to write without supervision. Mum, is this
Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.