Michelle Bachmann’s Most Insane Moments

by Ben Cohen

In this hilarious compilation of the craziest Michelle Bachmann moments, I was struck by the awesome range of her nuttiness. This woman is the Bo Jackson of insane, proving that she can apply her talents to virtually any topic. Check out these two moments of complete bonkersness, and stand in awe of the sheer creativity she has when talking utter, utter nonsense:

Her Children’s Marriageability

In a three-page Christmas letter from 2003 acquired by a local blog,

Bachmann waxed optimistic on her four children’s suitability as

spouses. 13-year-old Elisa “was born to be the perfect wife… Future

mates will have to apply as she does not advertise herself.” After

marveling at the way her daughter Caroline “pulls her jeans over her

14-inch hips,” Bachmann noted that “King Henry had his six wives, and

if our Caroline had been one of them, I think she would have been

called Caroline the Vibrant.” She described her son, Harrison, as

“utter perfection” and a “female fantasy treasure.” And her eldest son,

Lucas, got a cheeky personal ad: “Chick magnate [sic] needs wife to put

him through med school, clean house, pay bills and run his life. Must

be willing to gamble against onslaught of socialized medicine

diminishing return on investment.”

Her Secret Knowledge of a Plan to Give Iraq to Iran

In 2007, Bachmann told Minnesota’sSt. Cloud Times

newspaper that she had knowledge of an “agreement made” between Iraq

and Iran: “They are going to get half of Iraq, and that is going to be

a terrorist safe-haven zone where they can go ahead and bring about

more attacks in the Middle East, and come against the United States.”

This was why, she said, Iran wanted the U.S. to pull out of Iraq.

Bachmann declined to specify how she learned of the partitioning plan,

but noted that it was all part of “their natural cultural ties, the

long history of Iran and Iraq wars, and regional security.” The St.

Cloud Times posted the interview on their Web site on February 10, but

the peculiar Iran-Iraq discourse didn’t find its way into the national press for almost two weeks.

The best moment of Bachmann’s borderline personality disorder (and I use ‘borderline’ charitably) was when the Minnesota Congress woman declared that if God told her to, she would run for President. And as TPM pointed out, she wasn’t talking figuratively:

During her 2006 campaign for the open House seat, Bachmann campaigned in a right-wing mega-church and talked about how God had called her to run:

“And then in the midst of that calling, God

then called me to run for the United States Congress. And I thought,

‘what in the world would that be for?’ And my husband said, ‘You need

to do this,’ and I wasn’t so sure. And we took three days and we fasted

and we prayed, and we said, ‘Lord is this what You want? Is this Your

will?’ And after the — along about the afternoon of day two, He made

that calling sure. And it’s been now 22 months that I’ve been running

for United States Congress. Who in their right mind would spent two

years to run for a job that lasts for two years? You’d have to be

absolutely a fool to do that. You are now looking at a fool for Christ. This is a fool for Christ.”

Well, at least she understands that bit.

Ben Cohen is the editor and founder of The Daily Banter. He lives in Washington DC where he does podcasts, teaches Martial Arts, and tries to be a good father. He would be extremely disturbed if you took him too seriously.