(BOSTON) — International supermodel and Victoria’s Secret lingerie model Gisele Bundchen on Thursday lowered her expectations and married New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady. In marrying Mr. Brady, Ms. Bundchen finally closed the door on numerous other suitors.
“I’m shocked and dismayed that Gisele would do this,” said childhood friend Maria Cardenas, “there are so many other men out there in the world, and Gisele went and picked a handsome and successful one like Tom Brady?”
The fashion world was taken aback that one of its leading lights was even dating a man who only won 3 Super Bowls and was named to a measly 4 All-Pro teams during his NFL career. Relationship expert Ellen Carmichael told us that she “didn’t know why Gisele has decided to tie the knot with the wealthy Mr. Brady” when there were “literally millions of men in the world who have won an equal or greater amount of Superbowls playing John Madden on XBox.”
While Brady may have redeemed himself somewhat by missing the 2008 season due to injury, observers say he’s very likely to make Ms. Bundchen a laughingstock in the coming year by having a great season in 2009 while once again earning a seven to eight figure salary at the age of 31.
“We’ve got an economic downturn with tons of overweight unemployed men living in their mother’s basements, and yet Gisele exchanges vows with a man voted 2007 athlete of the year by the Associated Press. What a tool.”, said a close friend of the family who chose to remain anonymous out of embarrassment.
For his part, Patriots coach Bill Belichick said the wedding puzzled him as well: “Gisele is gorgeous, exotic, and wealthy. What’s Tom see in her? That kind of madness could drive a coach to cheat.”