Lighting strikes. Thunder claps. Rain lashes against the windows. Wind rattles everything that isn’t nailed down. AMERICA is in a basement laboratory hunched over a operating table. IGOR, his assistant watches on rubbing his manicured hands together. AMERICA: Yes….yes… YES!!!! ...read more
OPEN in a city street. We meet a POKEMON sitting behind a trashcan. A TERRORIST runs around the corner and crouches next to the POKEMON.POKEMON: Hello. I’m a Pokemon.TERRORIST: I’m a Terrorist.POKEMON: I’m kind of a big deal. I’m all over people’s News ...read more
We OPEN in a cramped Apartment that’s seen better days. It’s hot. BLACK ANGER and WHITE GUILT are sitting watching TV. There’s only one chair so BLACK ANGER is sitting on the floor and the the air conditioner is broken and only blows cold air on WHITE GUILT. The volume on the TV ...read more
We open in a British living room. BREXIT is talking to his wife EU. BREXIT: Fuck you and fuck this. You and the kids are holding me back, man! I'm a talent. Maybe I'll start a band, man. I've still got IT. I'm outahere on my new motor bike and I'm gonna FUCK ME SOME CHICKS! With ...read more
BBC Headline: Gunmen have shot dead 12 people at the Paris office of French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in an apparent militant Islamist attack. It’s hard. It’s hard not to become Islamaphobic. It’s hard not to descend into hate and fear of the Islamic faith and those who ...read more
(I have an ON switch) Either I have just seen a great commercial for an amazing product or a terrible commercial for an awful product. Either I have seen the heralding of a new dawn in technology where the science nerds have finally delivered something worthwhile or I have ...read more
People have guns for two reasons. The first reason is because they’re scared and having a gun makes them feel less scared. The second is because they’re angry and they want to make themselves less angry by killing who ever they’re angry at. The problem with both fear and anger ...read more
There are industries where the risk of injury are high. You could lose your leg working on an on an oil-rig, lose your thumb in an abattoir and lose your sight as a welder. These are all industries that are filled with safety regulations and safety equipment to prevent injury ...read more
Life and Other Four Letter Words: D A R K The Internet is, and I’m not exaggerating, the best thing ‘we’ have ever done. It makes the pyramids look like the piles of old rocks they are and the moon-landing look like a Muppet Show sketch. If I meet Sir Tim Berners Lee, inventor ...read more
Life and Other Four Letter Words: G O A L Imagine the whole world is in stuck in an elevator together. It’s tense and crowded. We’re all standing shoulder to shoulder holding in our farts. It’s hot in the elevator and tempers are high because we all hate each other. Some of us ...read more
LIFE AND OTHER FOUR LETTER WORDS: V I C E People will tell you they want to have good jobs and get on the property ladder and get an education and have some kids and have opinions on films and give a Jolly-Green-Giant-fuck about their future - but it seems they don’t. Not ...read more
Dear, White-male-of-upper-middle-class-background-in-the-most privileged-nation-the-world-has-ever-known (W.M.U.M.C.B.I.T.M.P.N.T.W.H.E.K). To save you from writing into the Guns and Ammo’s agony aunt (or as it’s called in Guns and Ammo ‘Dying in a pool of your own blood and ...read more
LIFE AND OTHER FOUR LETTER WORDS: T H E M A Vote For Us Is Not A Vote For Them Your future is now your present Look around you. This present is the future. Do you like what you see? Is this present that used to be the future what you imagined as a child? And what about the ...read more
LIFE AND OTHER FOUR LETTER WORDS: U G L Y It’s the invasion of the beautiful people. Perky, dewy zombies coming for us like zombies do – unrelenting and forever. Beautiful people are everywhere we look, and they won’t shut the fuck up. On every flat surface, on every screen, ...read more
Oliver Green is a modern life burnout/angeraholic living in Bali, Indonesia and writing about life instead of making things worse by having one. M A R S If your house was burning down what would you save? It’s one of those pseudo revealing questions people ask celebrities in ...read more
Oliver Green is a modern life burnout/angeraholic living in Bali, Indonesia and writing about life instead of making things worse by having one. P O R N My first run in with porn was probably like yours – a magazine found in in the rubbish bins on the street or stolen from an ...read more
Oliver Green is a modern life burnout/angeraholic living in Bali, Indonesia and writing about life instead of making things worse by having one. W A N T As it stands America is $11.6 trillion in consumer debt, with the average citizen owing $15, 191 in credit card debt. The ...read more
Oliver Green is a modern life burnout/angeraholic living in Bali, Indonesia and writing about life instead of making things worse by having one. K I D S I’m married and we don’t have kids. I’m 40 years old and my wife is 32 years old. We are at a fork in the road and in ...read more
Oliver Green is a modern life burnout/angeraholic living in Bali, Indonesia and writing about life instead of making things worse by having one. R I C H When I was a kid I used to watch the WWF. There was a wrestler named Ted Debiase The Million Dollar Man – he was nobody’s ...read more
Oliver Green is a modern life burnout/angeraholic living in Bali, Indonesia and writing about life instead of making things worse by having one. F A M E Do you ever get that spooky feeling that someone isn’t watching you? When I found out who the most Googled person in the ...read more
Oliver Green is a modern life burnout/angeraholic living in Bali, Indonesia and writing about life instead of making things worse by having one. [WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART/SALON READERS] F A G S God hates fags. Fact. It’s written in that book of love and acceptance ...read more
Oliver Green is a modern life burnout/angeraholic living in Bali, Indonesia and writing about life instead of making things worse by having one. F O O D All food turns into poo. It starts as something nutritious we put it in our mouths while saying stuff like, “Oh yes – this ...read more
Oliver Green is a modern life burnout/angeraholic living in Bali, Indonesia and writing about life instead of making things worse by having one.W O R K Have you ever been at work and stared at the fire alarm and thought maybe you’d pull it? Big deal. Have you ever looked at it ...read more
Oliver Green is a modern life burnout/angeraholic living in Bali, Indonesia and writing about life instead of making things worse by having one. Life and...D E A D Don’t worry, it’ll all be over soon. You’ll live your life the best way you can – like a sausage with some ...read more