There are way bigger problems in America right now, but I’m trying to get the ol’ blogging fingers back in shape, so forgive me for relying on a crutch that served me way too well for way too long: Making fun of moron celebrities for doing moron things with their moron sex ...read more
I’m probably barking up the wrong tree here. In fact, I’m almost positive that I am, and this plea will be one of way too many that sizzles into nothing as it pings against the flaming hot behemoth of The Great American Gun Debate. But with over 500 innocent people wounded, and ...read more
I think about Mike Pence a lot. Mostly because I think a lot about how the hell this gelatinous, orange death train of an administration will come to a stop. Will it catastrophically derail? Find itself dragged back to the station? Non-ceremoniously switch conductors and then ...read more
In theory, Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III testified in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee thanks to allegations made by former FBI Director James Comey while recalling his experience being fired, admittedly by Trump, in an effort to end the ...read more
As we plummet even further into the hellscape known as Donald Trump's America - where Nazis feel emboldened enough to say, "Hey! Quit picking on us just because we're Nazis!" - we've already watched as Republican senators sharpened their knives right in front of former FBI ...read more
I don't have much to add to the Comey hearing. It's become clear that depending on your political affiliation, you either saw a former FBI director call Trump a liar and lay the groundwork for an obstruction of justice case (while not so subtly hinting that Attorney General Jeff ...read more
Full disclosure: I can be a vitriolic writer. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Thanks to a potent cocktail of bearing witness to insane levels of stupidity coupled with my own laziness, I'm often a profane, sarcastic asshole making futile attempts to hammer home the central ...read more
Barely a month after Republicans voted a self-confessed pussy grabber to be president, but before they elected a pretend Montana cowboy who assaulted a journalist as a congressman, there was Captain Clay Higgins. A disgraced former police captain who was essentially forced to ...read more
In an interview with Megyn Kelly for NBC News, Russian President Vladimir Putin decided to pull some shit, as the kids say, by suggesting that Russia is being framed for the hacking of 2016 election by American hackers: "Hackers can be anywhere. They can be in Russia, in ...read more
Like a fucking moron who can't wait to see how happy Putin's going to be after this one, Donald Trump did his usual farting out of words with limited basis in reality while announcing his decision to pull out of the Paris Agreement. Because the Pro-Life Party is more concerned ...read more
On Tuesday night, Donald Trump demonstrated that not a goddamn soul is regulating his Twitter use as the bumbling orange bag of dementia and (alleged) sexual assault fired off the following half-finished, incoherent tweet and left it up for hours: Needless to say, the internet ...read more
In the aftermath of Jeremy Christian stabbing three men - two of them fatally - on a Portland train after they bravely stood up and told him to stop hurling anti-Muslim hate speech at female passengers, the media and police were quick to scour Christian's history for clues to his ...read more
Welcome to probably the biggest development to come out of Russiagate. According to the Washington Post, Donald Trump's son-in-law - you know, the one tasked with essentially doing Trump's job for him - allegedly tried to, well, see for yourself. Jared Kushner and Russia’s ...read more
On Wednesday night, Republican House candidate Greg Gianforte assaulted journalist Ben Jacobs of The Guardian in response to being asked about the CBO score for the American Health Care Act. Even more shocking than a white, conservative male resorting to brazen violence when he ...read more
Earlier in the month, Trump and Republicans in the House threw themselves a party in the Rose Garden to celebrating passing an "abomination of a health care bill" that, if made into law, would fulfill Paul Ryan's college dream of starving the shit out of the sick and elderly to ...read more
Last week, Fox News latched onto the instantly debunked conspiracy theory that the tragically murdered DNC staffer Seth Rich was communicating with Wikileaks. For the record, police maintain that Rich was killed in a botched robbery, and not at the behest of Hillary Clinton, ...read more
Last week, I covered the strange tantrum that arose from conservative corners after the Tim Allen sitcom Last Man Standing was cancelled by ABC in a completely mundane, run-of-the-mill business decision. And I say strange because it was clearly done for the one reason that ...read more
In case America needed more evidence that Donald Trump is in pure "fuck it" mode after bragging to the press (and more recklessly, Russia) that he fired FBI Director James Comey for the express purpose of ending the investigation into Trump's alleged connections to Moscow, ...read more
In a surprising, holy shit, I can't fucking believe something is actually done about Trump development, the U.S. Justice Department has appointed former FBI Director Robert Mueller as special counsel to "investigate alleged Russian interference in the 2016 U.S. election and ...read more
If my Facebook feed is anything like yours, rational Americans are goddamn tired of watching one massive Trump scandal after another float by with zero repercussions because Republicans are apparently terrified of making Mike Pence the president and letting him rubber stamp all ...read more
Last week, America watched as Donald Trump not only fired FBI Director James Comey (a.k.a. Giant Man in Real Life) for clearly bullshit reasons, but SprayTan Saddam couldn’t even be bothered to defend those bullshit reasons for an entire 48 hours, so he just flat out admitted — ...read more
Because Donald Trump's style of governance is to blurt out a decree, which almost aways leaves his minions scrambling to justify said decree with little to no warning about what the hell just happened, it really hasn't been a surprise that the official White House story on ...read more
Update: In the midst of writing this column, the Washington Post reported that more than 30 White House officials claim that Trump fired Comey over the president's "brewing personal animus" towards the FBI director, and not for reasons listed in the official narrative. The shit ...read more
Despite Republican efforts to make Monday's Senate hearing on Russia about everything but Russia, Former Acting Attorney General Sally Yates ate so many lunches that Donald Trump not only went on a Twitter rant, but literally changed his Twitter profile like a fucking middle ...read more