Frederic Poag
Satirist, RPG Geek and Hip Hop Head who is still Checking the Rhime for Electric Relaxation, but sometimes gets Lost in the Supermarket.
STORIES BY THIS AUTHOR
Republicans Sign "Just Trust Us" Bill into Law
(WARNING: SATIRE!) Early Tuesday morning Republicans Senate leaders convened a hasty vote on their new “Just Trust Us” bill. Although details of the bill are still sketchy Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell assured the American public that “this is what’s best for everyone. ...read more
Democrats Need to Take a Stand and Shut Down the Government
“What I use in the battle for the mind Hit it hard like it supposed Pulling no blows to the nose” ...read more
Trump Administration Accidentally Appoints Qualified Person
(WARNING: SATIRE) A minor scandal erupted in the Trump White House over the recent hiring of Marcus Greene to the post of Assistant Secretary to the Department of Transportation. Greene is an unusual choice for the Trump administration. A man of Hispanic and African-American ...read more
Legal Battle Erupts Between Hell Inc. and Republican Party Over Moral Low Ground
(WARNING: SATIRE!) Deep into the strike by The International Association of Societal Bar Adjusters Hell, Inc. represented by the law firm of Asmodeus, Baphomet, and Schwartz filed an injunction to prevent the lowering of the Morality Bar any further. “While Hell sympathizes with ...read more
Mueller's Decision to Eat at Applebee's Calls His Prosecutorial Discretion into Question
(WARNING: SATIRE!) Sources reported to the LA Times that Robert Mueller once left a nasty comment card at an Applebee’s restaurant. The card in question was recreated through a second hand retelling from an anonymous source who reportedly had lunch with Mueller, along with ...read more
Republicans Release #DemMeToo in Support Victims of Sexual Harassment by Democratic Leaders
(WARNING: SATIRE! Eh, maybe...) In the first year of the Trump Presidency there hasn't been much in the way of compromise or even to be thankful about. But Republicans are trying to remain positive that bipartisanship is possible. And the issue of Democratic sexual harassment is ...read more
Roy Moore Releases Etiquette Guide for Young Women
[SATIRE WARNING: THIS IS SATIRE. SORT OF...] Controversial Alabama Republican Senate Candidate and two time former State Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore released a how to guide on “courtship and feminine etiquette”. “I felt, with the way my name has been maligned in the media, ...read more
State Department Diplomatic Efforts In Europe Down to “Two Dudes Going on a Backpacking Trip”
(WARNING: SATIRE. PROBABLY.) Due to recent budget cuts to the State Department and Rex Tillerson’s overall management style of “Diplomacy? Yeah fuck that” the State Department was forced to center the upcoming 2018 European diplomatic efforts around Glenn and Charlie’s “Badass ...read more
Battle of the Sexes Heats Up In Wake of Sexual Assault Allegation Tsunami
In the wake of accusations of sexual assault brought forth against Minn. Democratic Senator Al Franken, allegations of sexual misconduct by Alabama Republican Senate Candidate Roy Moore, and sexual harassment and assault accusations against celebrities Louis C.K. and Harvey ...read more
Refusing to Set the GOP's Bar Lower for Roy Moore, Local Union Threatens to Strike
(WARNING: SATIRE! MAYBE!) Wheeling, West Virginia The recent Republican nomination of disgraced former Alabama State Supreme Court Judge Roy Moore has sent shockwaves among political circles. Accused of sexual misconduct by, as of this writing, five women when they were ...read more
Hollywood Producers Guild Releases “Ax Before You Jax” Pamphlet on When It's Okay to Masturbate
(WARNING: You are about to read satire!) So you wanna masturbate, preferably in the presence of a woman. We all do my friend. Who doesn’t?! But first you must determine if your particular situation is right for both you and your masturbatory muse. Sounds complicated, right? It’s ...read more
Deplorables Terrified Of Impending Manocide After Big Democratic Wins
(SATIRE WARNING!) Yesterday morning they emerged ready. Millions of Americans headed to the polls to cast their votes. For most it was a day like any other, but for some, misogynists and bigots, Judgement Day had arrived in the environs of the Commonwealth of Virginia and the ...read more
Mass Shooter Struggles In Search To Find Pristine Community To Devastate
(Satire Warning!) Anytown, USA On the surface John Everyman is just another quiet, but quirky neighbor. The 57 year old caucasian loves to sing in his church choir, listens to “non-offensive music” and gets excited about his Canasta and Bridge night. While Mr. Everyman is ...read more
Heaven Corp Issues Clarification On Prayer Response In Wake Of Texas Mass Shooting
(SATIRE WARNING!) On Sunday, November 5th, as of this writing 26 people were killed in a mass shooting in a church in Sutherland Springs, TX. Parishioners were in the middle of service when Devin Kelly, American Terrorist, opened fire. While some criticism usually gets levied at ...read more
Mueller Investigation Forces White House Staffers Take Meetings at Local D.C. Coffee Shops
(SATIRE WARNING: This article has been written with satirical intentions. The Daily Banter only tepidly endorses the rantings and ravings of Frederic Poag. The following should used for comedic purposes only and should only be taken with a grain of salt. Please see your physician ...read more
American Social Media Troll Mistakes British Defence Secretary Resignation as Holdover from Obama Administration
(Satire) Today, Michael Fallon, UK’s Defence Secretary, resigned his position amidst a growing scandal involving allegations of sexual harassment some stemming as far back as fifteen years. While no formal allegations have been made, Fallon tendered his resignation to British ...read more
Trump Taking Manafort Indictment “In Stride” and “Is In No Way Guilty of Anything”
After a day spent in seclusion watching news reports, binging on fast food and mass produced, cream filled, diabetes inducing snacks, President Trump stumbled, wide eyed and manic, into the Tuesday morning White House Press Briefing. Absentmindedly handing over a half eaten box ...read more
Co-Worker Who Had Kushner In Office Indictment Pool Saddened By Manafort Indictment
White House sources leaked early Monday morning that White House Chief of Staff and newly christened “Blue Falcon” military veteran John Kelly was especially distraught at his loss in the White House Indictment Office Pool. Kelly reportedly debated calling in sick after the ...read more
Open Robe Sales Plummet After Sexual Misconduct Allegations
Saul Terrycloth, owner and operator of Saul’s Open Robe Emporium and Sundries, stared at the racks of open robes on display as a handful of customers browsed indifferently. The once bustling regional retailer giant was now on life-support. “You know there was a time this place ...read more
Hell Inc. Installs New CEO Lilith As Satan Resigns Amidst Sexual Harassment Claims
This morning, Hell Inc. released a statement in response to sexual harassment claims made by six hundred and sixty six former and current employees against Satan, Lord of Lies. As of today, Satan has officially resigned his position as CEO and is no longer employed by Hell Inc. ...read more
Conspiracy Theorist Discovers Patriarchal Masterplan Through Women Eating Salad Pictures
After a brief argument with Daily Banter Czarist Dictator Ben Cohen about whether mileage should be reimbursed in fast food coupons or “Buy Ya Lunch Sometime”, I found myself in the suburbs of Northern Virginia (NoVA) to meet with a man who would only call himself “Blue”. "This ...read more
Anonymous All Male Panel Assembled to Tackle Rampant Sexual Harassment
Amidst a tidal wave of allegations surrounding disgraced movie producer Harvey Weinstein, Hollywood entertainment industry executives have teamed up with Washington lawmakers in an effort to end sexual harassment nationally. “Ladies. We hear you,” said an anonymous ...read more
Republicans ‘Proud Papas’ At President Trump’s Perfect Score On Hurricane Maria Relief Effort
Republican Leaders were ecstatic after President Trump gave himself a perfect score on his administration’s handling of Puerto Rico during a press conference. When Trump was asked by reporters how he’d grade his administration’s efforts on the relief effort from Hurricane Maria ...read more
Political Scientists Baffled at Pictures of Obamas Reading to School Children
Political scientists at the Presidential Politics Institute of Washington D.C., colloquially known as "The Beltway Consensus", were stunned after discovering pictures of former President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama reading to school children. Skeptical of such a ...read more