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Yes, Stephen Miller Actually Wore Spray-On Hair

The architect of Trump's immigration policies has even worse hair-care methods than his boss.
Photograph courtesy of Splinter News

Photograph courtesy of Splinter News

Few people in the Trump Administration are as loathsome as Stephen Miller, or, as Pod Save America's Jon Lovett calls him, "the C+ Santa Monica fascist." With the exception of Trump himself, he is more responsible than anyone else for crafting the immigration policies that have slashed the number of refugees accepted into our country to record lows, limit the number of migrants already in the U.S. from obtaining legal status, and creating the infamous "Muslim Ban." 

Worst of all, Miller is the architect of the family separation policy that ripped immigrant Latino children away from their parents at the border last year. 

Yesterday, Miller emerged from his coffin to appear on Face the Nation, where he advocated for a government shutdown if Democrats vote against funding the infamous border wall. Miller usually doesn't take to the airwaves to represent the administration -- and for good reason. Miller doesn't just have a face perfect for radio, he is also unable to comport himself properly in public. Last January, for example, Miller got into an insane shouting match with Jake Tapper and had to be escorted off set at CNN. 

His interview yesterday was no better. With his inability to control his temperament, lack of modulation in his voice, and self-important attitude, Miller seemed less like a politico and more like the creep at college who argues at the top of his voice that "no" means "yes". 

But perhaps the most disturbing issue with Miller's appearance on CBS's Face the Nation was his hair. Miller has been, how shall we say, follicly challenged for some time now, and in a bid to improve his media image, he sprayed some on

There are many ways to treat hair loss: hormone therapy, hair transplants, or a good wig can make a world of difference. But Miller, who normally looks like this:

Photograph courtesy of Vanity Fair

Photograph courtesy of Vanity Fair

Thought that he could do this without anyone noticing: 

Sadly, Miller underestimated the power of HDTV, which can wreak havoc on those who aren't made up to perfection.  In his hasty decision to spice up his appearance, he also forgot to spray the back of his head. Either that, or he did not realize that there would be more than two cameras in the studio. 

The botched spray-on job led to Twitter doing what it does best: engaging in savage mockery. 

It's a direct consequence of Trump's rise to power that people like Miller, who should be in their parents' basement surfing 8chan, now create official policy for the largest democracy on earth. The amount of damage he has done to the lives of others is immense, and he is helping transform America into something deeply sinister.  We can, however, take solace in our right to mock Stephen Miller -- a right we can never let him take away.