Matthew Whitaker Worked For Company That Sold A "Masculine Toilet Bowl."

No, this is not fake news.
Author:
Publish date:
Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker (left), a "Masculine Toilet Bowl" (right)

Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker (left), a "Masculine Toilet Bowl" (right)

It is no surprise that Donald Trump, a man responsible for pitching many failed products, from apartment buildings laundered with Russian money, to Trump: The Board Game, and his now-infamous steak line, is surrounded by hucksters who've sold lousy products. 

His original choice for Labor Secretary, Andy Pudzer, was CEO of Carl's Jr., a third rate fast-food chain that Eater NY describes as serving "uniformly awful burgers". Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin produced The Entourage Movie, one of the worst films ever made. And Ivanka Trump wrote a book that The New Yorker said was "mostly composed of artless jargon...and inspirational quotes you might find by Googling “inspirational quotes.”

However, if there is one thing that living under Trump has taught us, it is that there are no limits on how low things can get. Now that Matthew Whitaker has become Acting Attorney General, journalists have dug into his past to find an invention sold by his company, World Patent Marketing, that assumes the title of 'Worst Product Ever Sold by a Trump Associate': the "Masculine Toilet Bowl."

First announced in a 2014 press release, the "Masculine Toilet Bowl" sold itself to well-endowed men who were tired of having their genitalia touch the edge of the toilet bowl when they sat down to do their business. What if the edge was cold and you felt it where you least wanted to feel it? What if water came down on you during flushing? What if you caught a disease from making contact with the edge? If you answered "yes" to any one of these questions, then Matthew Whitaker and World Patent Marketing thought the "Masculine Toilet Bowl" would solve all your problems:

"The average male genitalia is between 5" and 6". However, this invention is designed for those of us who measure longer than that. I estimate that a 12" distance is adequate enough for most well-endowed men, though I would not be surprised if there are cases who need a greater distance. Nevertheless, for the time being, this is a good starting point. An 'extra long' [XL] version can always be created if needed."

World Patent Marketing's other products included time travel - which you could use to re-live your first experience with the "Masculine Toilet Bowl"; a line of Bigfoot-themed toys - because if he was real (and they thought he was), he'd probably need a "Masculine Toilet Bowl"; and this product, which did...something involving the male private area that could be used on the "Masculine Toilet Bowl." 

In reality, World Patent Marketing's products appeared to all be scams - they took the money of aspiring inventors and never gave it back. Whitaker allegedly acted as the intimidator-in-chief, threatening to sue anyone who threatened to expose their con with the zeal of a Scientologist. The company disbanded in 2017 and has been under FBI investigation for more than a year

Now that the Democrats have taken back Congress, incoming committee heads plan to probe Whitaker's role in the company and have already requested documents from him. Whether or not Whitaker recuses himself from this investigation remains to be seen, but one thing he can't ignore is that for three years, he was proud to have his name associated with the company...even on the bottom of the press release that announced "The Masculine Toilet Bowl."

RELATED