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Photo: "Tiny Trumps" Subreddit

By now, you've probably heard that Donald Trump refused to participate in several outdoor commemorative ceremonies in France to honor the 100th anniversary of the armistice that ended World War I. The administration's excuse was bad weather, which, to the rest of the world, was actually just a light breeze and drizzle. 

The allegedly inclement weather didn't stop Angela Merkel, Justin Trudeau, and Emmanuel Macron from attending the events, not to mention dozens of other leaders. Trump also missed a march of presidents and prime ministers down the Champs Elysee, and he was two hours late for a state dinner, but this one's easier to explain given the likelihood that Trump's bloated gut was probably full from too many Le Big Macs.

Don't get me wrong: this isn't a gigantic scandal in the context of the myriad other Trump scandals, and we'll probably forget about it in a few days. But do we even need to point out that it would've been huge crisis on Fox News Channel if it had been President Obama or, gasp!, President Hillary Clinton whose personal health and stamina were perpetually on trial throughout the 2016 campaign. Obama, meanwhile, was mischaracterized as an effete waif by so many of the screeching a-holes who ridiculously believe Trump is a man's man.

The truth is that Trump is hardly the gritty, tough-as-nails alpha he pretends to be. The truth is that Trump is a delicate old man who's never done a hard day's toil in his entire adult life.

Trump's spent many years trying desperately to mask his softness under a patina of loudness, crudeness, and artificial bravado. 

His desperation to appear tougher than his actual delicate constitution and ego was on display the other day on the South Lawn of the White House when a CNN reporter asked Trump whether he instructed the new acting attorney general, Matt Whitaker, to shut down Robert Mueller's office. Trump accused the reporter of asking stupid questions. When you watch the video, notice how Trump doesn't continue to engage the reporter as she responds. Instead, like the coward he is, the president wanders as far away as he can without wandering off the property.

Likewise, when Trump was confronted with tough questions from CNN's Jim Acosta, the president ordered an intern to wrestle the microphone away from Acosta. Not only was Trump easily upset by the questions, but he had to get a young intern to do his dirty work. Again, not the behavior of an alpha male. 

We're also learning that the reality show celebrity whose catchphrase is "you're fired!" is really shy about actually firing people. Based on numerous reports, Trump instead prefers to delegate firings. As someone who used to have a staff of employees, I can tell you that firing people sucks, but good CEOs have the spine to do it anyway. Many of them know how to do it well. Trump, on the other hand, doesn't possess that spine unless he's getting paid to play a character on a reality series.

It's also well known by now that Trump only works a few hours a day. He spends nearly every weekend playing in one of his high-priced sandboxes in Mar-a-lago or Bedminster or Sterling (paid for by you and me). He hogs umbrellas, leaving his wife and his son to get drenched. Hell, he can't even muster the fortitude to read. He withers and ass-kisses in the face of dictators and authoritarians like Putin, Xi, and Kim. And, naturally, don't forget the bone spurs.

The president, contrary to what his fanboys believe, isn't a strong man or a particularly brave man. He's a small and vain old bastard who's constantly afraid. Of everything. A world leader who's afraid of the rain and who's afraid of a challenging question from a reporter -- a world leader who'd rather masturbate to Fox News than attend a rainy commemoration of fighting men who displayed unparalleled bravery in combat -- this leader is barely a leader. Donald Trump, with his soft hands and even softer brain, is nothing more than a lazy, doughy White House dilettante who refuses to do the hard work commensurate with being an effective president. He refuses to even take the time to reach out to anyone, or any state, that didn't vote for him.

Trump's Red Hat loyalists like to refer to liberals and NeverTrump conservatives as "cucks" and "snowflakes." They're projecting. We've never seen a president who's a bigger cuck or a more pathetic snowflake than Donald Trump.