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Yesterday Congressman Tim Murphy, Representative for Pennsylvania’s 18th district, resigned amidst a scandal after it was revealed he’d impregnated his mistress and then pressured her to get an abortion.

While opponents were quick to point out the hypocrisy of the “Family Values” and “Pro-Life” congressman others had a different take on the matter.


"She’s like 32! I just couldn’t believe it,” said Thomas Jennings, liberal Democrat and self professed "Feminist Ally" about the educated woman, Dr. Shannon Edwards, who is a “Licensed Clinical Forensic Psychologist” with a Doctorate in Psychology.

“I mean I could never say this to my women friends but this dude is a fucking legend. He’s literally twice her age! It’s just unbelievable,” said Mr. Jennings with a reverential pride toward the the 64 year old, disgraced GOP Congressman who has largely supported the Trump agenda.

While Mr. Jennings threw out the occasional "Like" in various #Resist Facebook groups concerning Congressman Murphy’s resignation and scandal he was mildly following, in a private messenger he couldn’t shake his disbelief, or excitement in a conversation with friends who shared his assessments.

“Bruh, Shannon Edwards is fineAF! I was expecting some haggard looking congressional aide, but DAYUM! I gotta give it up to Rep. Murphy!,” said Mr. Jenning’s friend Larry Nichols, a adjunct professor of Business Ethics and Hillary Clinton supporter, concerning the attractivness of the young professional woman with an impressive resume who faces a very difficult decision which will affect the rest of her life.

Feminist Ally Taking a "Quick Break" from following the Rep. Murphy affair

After Tom and Larry pulled their “lesbian gal pal” Jennifer “Ginny” Montgomery into a chat labeled “Murph Da Muff Killa” the trio excitedly traded nicknames of the now disgraced congressman. The "Top Hits" were finalized into a list which included, in no specific order: Papa Murph, Cradle Robba-In-Chief, Tim “Da Sperm Banka” Murphy, Drop Muff Murphy, and Boka Harem Builda Murphy which was considered the least favorite.

“Pussy like that’ll make you stupid, man or woman. That’s just a fact of life,” Ginny, a local bartender, said casually about the former Congressional Representative who was a known Pro-Life candidate who pressured Dr. Edwards to get an abortion through text messages.

After a brief mix up where the trio mistook Tim Murphy for both Congressman Patrick Murphy (D) of Florida’s 18th district, and Patrick Murphy former Congressman of Pennsylvania's 8th district and President Obama’s undersecretary of the Army they brought in Amanda Watkins, feminist political blogger and mother of three, who was known for being a “CoolAF chick”.

“I don’t really know why I’m in this conversation,” a bewildered Ms. Watkins stated at the initial causal misogyny that had gone on in the chat. 

“Because some reports say Shannon Edwards is 36, and others say she’s 32. We’re curious if you knew which was correct. It’s important,” stated Mr. Jennings who rolled his eyes at an article written about the media’s subtle misogyny in regards to women who have affairs with powerful men.

“I don’t think it really matters,” retorted Amanda, “The tragedy of the situation is a man who is in a position of authority, who claims to support family values, and is Pro-Life pressured a woman he’d been intimate with into making a decision with no regard for her, but only for himself."

Following up with, “Besides he’s old as shit. No way I’d wanna service those old, wrinkly balls,” replied with Ms. Watkins following it up with a winking smiley face emoji.