Yesterday on a grassy hillock that overlooked a meadow surround by a copse of trees the President of the Leprechaun Nation, or “Big Hat”, Stumpertee McTumpkins gave a press conference. President McTumpkins spoke at length about the possible “Pot O’ Gold” shortage that could result from the destruction caused by Hurricane Ophelia.
“I understand this is a time of concern for the safety of the residents of Ireland. But this is also the 10th hurricane from the Atlantic this year. And with Leprechauns living all over the world and with so many hurricanes it’s draining our supply of pots o’ gold.”
During the press conference President McTumpkins spoke at length with a melodic inflection one which I cannot recreate, or do justice. But even though his voice seemed comically charming the President spoke passionately about the rise of extreme weather which has put a strain on the Leprechaun economy due to increased rainbow activity. This in turn has put pressure on Leprechauns to use bigger pots o’ gold and move them with much greater frequency then in the past.
“Used ta be only the richest among us would come out for a hurricane. They could handle it. Now even they’re overwhelmed. We’ve been forced to crowd source pots, even take our pots o’ gold exchange, the “Bangin’ House”, public to try to raise funds. It’s been a mess,” said Wimpledee Shump, Secretary of the Treasury or “Keeper of Pots”
After the press conference Leprechaun officials gave the press corps a tour of an emergency makeshift “pots” facility. In an old warehouse just outside of Armagh, leprechauns boarded up windows, received canned goods, blankets, batteries and most importantly pots.
President McTumpkins held up a two cooking pots, one cast iron the other aluminum, to demonstrate the specific needs of the Leprechaun relief efforts. “While I’m sure… Pampered Chef makes a fine product we’re looking specifically for cast iron pots. The older the better. And please do not make any shipping to COD. We do not have the funds to support that.”
I asked President McTumpkins why Leprechauns were coming forward now. After assuring him I was, in fact, not after his pot o’ gold he reiterated on the need for collective action in combating Climate Change.
“I know yer not after me pot o’ gold, Frederic. You’re a good lad.” the diminutive breaded being said graciously, “But there’s a lot of bad lads out there. Ones who don’t care, or even worse benefit from climate change. They’re not just after our pots o’ gold, but everyone’s.” I was able to spend some time with President McTumpkins and we spoke on the record about several issues, negative Leprechaun stereotypes and portrayal in popular media being the main one, but McTumpkins stayed focused.
“While those are important issues that need to be addressed the pot o’ gold potential crisis is our most pressing because it’s affected by Climate Change, and that affects everyone. It’s time to stop seeing all the rainbows and realize that we’re on the verge of a global crisis that’s gonna forever change life for this planet.”