One day after God-Emperor Donald Trump announced that the US was withdrawing from the Paris Climate Accord his faithful minions hit the airwaves to defend the decision. Kellyanne Conway visited ABC's Good Morning America, where she repeatedly refused to answer host George Stephanopoulos when he asked her if Trump still believes climate change is a hoax. At about the same time Vice President Mike Pence appeared in the much friendlier confines of Fox's Fox And Friends, where he offered his own take not just on the decision, but on the entire issue of climate change.
Pence is puzzled about why climate change is even a thing.
"For some reason or another this issue of climate change has emerged as a paramount issue for the left, in this country and around the world," Pence said.
"For some reason or another?" OK, we know that Pence is one of those Republicans who is just biding his time, waiting for Jesus to come back, so he probably doesn't see the importance of taking steps to protect a planet he thinks we won't need much longer. But he might want to take note that Jesus's followers have been expecting him any day now for 2,000 years and he hasn't made it yet. So it's probably not a good idea to expect him to drop in to save the faithful anytime soon.
Pence's remarks will no doubt be popular with viewers of the fairly unbalanced network, which appears to have largely ignored the fact that many of Trump's advisors, including former Exxon-Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson and Trump's own daughter Ivanka recommended remaining in the agreement. Instead, Fox Business offered up remarks by oil man T. Boone Pickens, who supports the pullout.
Just who are these leftists that Pence is talking about, anyway? Could he mean centrist French President Emmanuel Macron, or German Chancellor Angela Merkel, a member of the center-right Christian Democrats? Macron and Merkel are two of the loudest voices decrying Trump's decision. Even the UK's conservative Prime Minister Theresa May, who has resisted criticizing Trump in the past issued a statement saying she was "disappointed."
There must be leftists running some of the world's biggest energy companies, too. Not only did current Secretary of State Tillerson support remaining in the accord, his former company agrees with him. And so do BP, Shell, Conoco Phillips, and Chevron. Even coal producer Cloud Peak Energy wanted the US to stay in the deal.
Ronald Reagan's Secretary of State, George Schultz, recently advocated for remaining part of the climate pact. Over the years Mike Pence has been effusive in his praise for Reagan, who is somewhere close to Jesus in Pence's pantheon. So suggesting that Schultz is some sort of wild-eyed leftist should be akin to blasphemy.
It is entirely likely that the small-handed man-child in the White House decided to withdraw from the climate accords as a big "fuck you" to Europe and European leaders, who obviously didn't treat him with the deference he believes he deserved during the NATO and G7 meetings. Since nobody in the administration can say that in public, Trump's spokespersons have been forced to pull explanations out of thin air.
Pence's attempt at covering for Trump may sound good to Fox viewers, who probably think that the entire world (except for the US and Russia) is run by crazed leftists intent on bringing down America. But will they be as receptive to his suggestion that climate change is a global leftist conspiracy when its effects start hitting them in their wallets?