In the run-up to Donald Trump's 100th day in office, America's tiny-handed tangerine tyrant somehow deduced that ratings would be super yuge because our country is being run like a reality show from hell. So against the advice of anyone that's had the misfortune of watching him try to speak, Trump sat down for a series of interviews with the media he constantly complains about, and is currently threatening to eradicate, because he's a narcisstic fuckfrog with a tenuous grasp on reality.
Here's how that's gone so far.
The transcript of Trump's AP interview might as well have been the words, "Donald Trump has dementia," over and over again.
Politico's 100 days visit to the White House - which Trump was advised to keep off the record; he didn't - featured staffers literally saying the words, "This shit is hard," and confirmed that not only is Steve Bannon still active in the administration, but so is Matt Drudge now.
Reuters then got Trump himself saying he thought being the president "would be easier" as he complained about missing his old life.
And while the fact that a sitting president actually thought running an entire country would be "easy" is breathtakingly alarming at every possible level, it turns out Trump also knows jackshit about American history. Which explains a lot, but raises even more questions about what Donald Trump does know. Because right now the answer seems to be not a goddamn fucking thing.
Trump's comments came during an interview with Washington Examiner columnist and CNN contributor Salena Zito that's set to air on Sirius XM Politics radio on Monday.
Trump was analogizing his insurgent 2016 presidential campaign to that of former President Andrew Jackson, whom he has praised repeatedly, when the conversation turned to the Civil War. Trump suggested the former president might have averted the conflict and began questioning the reasons that war broke out.
"I mean, had Andrew Jackson been a little bit later, you wouldn't have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person, but he had a big heart. And he was really angry that he saw what was happening, with regard to the Civil War. He said, there's no reason for this."
Trump continued, "People don't realize, the Civil War -- you think about it, why? People don't ask that question. But why was there a Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?"
Why was there a Civil War? Holy Christ.
First off, as most of the internet has pointed out by now, Andrew Jackson died 16 years before the Civil War even began and owned 150 slaves when he cashed out. So say he had been alive, I'm pretty sure that guy's feelings on the Civil War would have been, "Yes, let's do this. Are you kidding me?"
More importantly, why was there a Civil War? Ask any grade school child in America and they'll tell you the answer:
Specifically, southern states seceding from the Union because, fun fact, it's very easy to be stupid rich when you can own human beings like property and force them to perform manual labor without pay. So the South was going to keep doing that until somebody kicked their asses back into the Union. Which is what happened.
Now, while this seems like the perfect opportunity to mention the racism involved in Donald Trump's campaign and current administration - which are all serious issues - here's the thing: In this context, Trump somehow isn't even smart enough to be racist about the Civil War. He's that goddamn stupid. Most revisionist jackasses will at least try to argue that the Civil Was wasn't really about slavery (it was) but about "states' rights" and "economic issues." Because apparently owning human beings as a source of free labor isn't an economic issue, but I digress.
Trump, on the other hand, is just spectacularly ignorant about the whole thing. He'd actually need to know basic information about the Civil War before he can even start to be a racist dick about it. Instead, the President of the United States is on the same intellectual plane as the Insane Clown Posse. "Fucking Civil War? How does it work?"
We're all going to die.