Why Was 'Last Man Standing' Canceled? Because of Money, Genius

While Trump pisses all over the very fabric of our country, conservatives are crying over a Tim Allen show being cancelled. Of course.
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Tim Allen Last Man Standing

If my Facebook feed is anything like yours, rational Americans are goddamn tired of watching one massive Trump scandal after another float by with zero repercussions because Republicans are apparently terrified of making Mike Pence the president and letting him rubber stamp all the work they're complaining they can't get done? I don't even know anymore.

So instead of wading into the latest bombshell where Trump looks guilty as hell of obstruction of justice for asking former FBI Directer Comey to stop investigating Michael Flynn and no one does a fucking thing because oral sex is the only grounds for impeachment anymore - I must've missed that constitutional convention. - let's take a trip to the corner of Distraction Ave and Bullshit Culture Wars Lane for shits and kicks.

Last week, ABC cancelled the Tim Allen sitcom Last Man Standing. Which in the grand scheme of things, should have been a small blip on the radar because tepid, middle of the road sitcoms on network television are cancelled almost as quickly as they're congealed from a bottle of a warm milk in front of a focus group.

However, Allen is a Trump supporter, and in March, he made the moronic, tone deaf remark that being a conservative in Hollywood is like being in 1930s Germany. (Do I even need to get into how fucking stupid that comment was, or are we all adults who understand that being a rich, white celebrity in California will never once come anywhere close to the lead-up to the Holocaust? Okay, good. Moving on.)

Naturally, the cancellation led to Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck putting their heads together and deducing that obviously Allen's show was cancelled because he's a conservative. What other reason could there be? Except for, oh I dunno, the reason that every fucking show everywhere is cancelled.

MONEY.

But coming to that conclusion requires logic and reason, so predictably conservatives went straight to launching boycotts and crying about safe spaces for white men on TV because their persecution complex is strong. The baby hordes made such an uproar, that the president of ABC actually had to make a statement on Tuesday explaining how TV works.

From The AV Club:

“I canceled Last Man Standing for the same business and scheduling reasons that I canceled The Real O’Neals, Dr. Ken, The Catch, and American Crime,” Dungey said. ”Last Man Standing was a challenging one for me because it was a steady performer in the ratings, but once we made the decision not to continue with comedies on Friday that was where we landed.” Now Fridays will be home to Once Upon A Time and Marvel’s Inhumans.

But would this be enough to quell the greatest minds of our time?

In a long post with a detailed list, as Vox does, the reasons for canceling Last Man Standing are pretty simple and completely jibe with ABC's decision to stick with in-house programming on Friday nights. The short version is that despite solid ratings, Last Man Standing isn't owned by ABC, and its older audience meant less profitable ads that made it harder to pay for the increasingly expensive cast (Read: Tim Allen), crew, and licensing costs.

Or even shorter: MONEY.

There really shouldn't have been any mystery about it, but since our national IQ is out the fucking window right now, here we are. Just to put a finer point on things, let me offer you an example that politics mean absolutely jackshit when it comes to Hollywood.

During the heyday of Two And A Half Men, Charlie Sheen used to go on InfoWars and criticize the shit out of Obama. (I'm not linking to InfoWars, but feel free to Google it.) Nothing happened to him because he made money hand over fist for CBS. Later, Sheen would epically flame out during his tiger blood phase where he was admittedly off his rocker in a hail of coke and porn stars, and would ultimately get canned from Two And A Half Men. Barely a few months later, he was handed another sitcom, Anger Management, on FX because, again, Charlie Sheen makes money hand over fist for whatever network he's on.

The only thing that matters in Hollywood is cash. It's why Bill O'Reilly got fired, and it will forever be the reason why anything happens. And for someone who prides himself as a comedian who really understands how the world works, you'd think Tim Allen of all people would get that.

Then again, he voted for Trump.

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