How Trump F*cked Over Christians & Red States Just To Get His Picture Taken

Donald Trump will do or say anything for a photo op. None of you are safe.
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Donald Trump

"Don't worry. I know how to handle their little marches this time."
"Shit. Is he holding a Pepsi?"
"Who didn't check his pockets?!"

On Thursday afternoon, Donald Trump, and the Human Centipede calling itself the House GOP threw a party in the Rose Garden to celebrate the most monumental “fuck you” in American politics to the sick, poor, and almost specifically women. This pale gaggle of subhumans dropped a turd of a health care bill on the House floor that would essentially make being alive a pre-existing condition. It would’ve been more subtle if they just started sucking the blood out of cancer patients and rape victims while cackling, “Power. EVERLASTING POWER!"

Naturally, in the aftermath, we learned that barely any of these assholes actually read the American Health Care Act — including Trump, which is a given because it involves words — and most GOP members in the House had no problem dropping it like a hot potato the second it was passed because it was the Senate’s problem now. Clearly, GOP representatives can’t be held responsible if they left a bucket of snakes outside of a day care and then individuals who think exactly them carried it all the way in. How were they to know?!

But I’m not here to rehash the glaring moral bankruptcy of the “party of Jesus” as it spits directly in the eye of the specific people Christ says to care for. (Disabled children, seriously?) I’m here to talk about Donald Trump’s wanton lust for posing in pictures that look like he accomplished something even though he absolutely didn't.

You see, not only did Trump grin in front of the cameras for a health care bill that has already put granny-starving GOP congress seats in danger thanks to the largest cut to Medicare since its inception, and would be absolutely disastrous to red states if the Senate commits political suicide and makes it law, that same day, he also had a cute little photo op for his religious freedom executive order that was supposed to be a bloody slab of red meat tossed into the greedy mouths of evangelical voters. It would "totally destroy" the Johnson amendment, Trump promised.

Except it didn't. Not even close.

In fact, the executive order was so toothless that the ACLU backed off its initial threat to sue Trump after realizing he basically signed nothing. It was all horseshit.

From the ACLU's statement:

“Today’s executive order signing was an elaborate photo-op with no discernible policy outcome. After careful review of the order’s text we have determined that the order does not meaningfully alter the ability of religious institutions or individuals to intervene in the political process. The order portends but does not yet do harm to the provision of reproductive health services.

“President Trump’s prior assertion that he wished to ‘totally destroy’ the Johnson Amendment with this order has proven to be a textbook case of ‘fake news.’

“The directive to federal agencies to explore religious-based exceptions to healthcare does cue up a potential future battle, but as of now, the status quo has not changed.

“What President Trump did today was merely provide a faux sop to religious conservatives and kick the can down the road on religious exemptions on reproductive health care services.

So basically Trump posed for two photo ops in one day where literally nothing was accomplished unless you count lying to evangelicals' faces and disproportionally dooming even more of his base in red states to medical bankruptcy. I mean, Jesus Christ, the only thing missing was Trump personally helping Mexicans across the border while flipping white people the bird. But he got to be on TV, and we know that's all that matters to Trump.

Everything else in America? It can eat a dick.

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