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Please Tell Me Jared Kushner Didn't Authorize The MOAB Strike In Afghanistan

Donald Trump oddly refuses to confirm if he authorized the bombing in Afghanistan, which raises serious questions about who the hell did.

Right off the bat, I hope I’m wrong. I hope that the first, one-step-shy-of-a-nuclear bomb that the United States just dropped on Afghanistan — not even a week after firing 50+ Tomahawk missiles at Syria , which is not an insignificant timing of events— is simply another example of a no-holds-barred military that knows the gloves are off. (Coming soon to America’s streets!) Because as much as the military wants to deny that the rules of engagement haven't been lowered, in less than 90 days, this administration has already racked up a record number of civilian deaths, and oh, by the way, just dropped the closest thing to a nuke. Kind of a big deal.

But here’s the thing: Donald Trump noticeably didn’t hump bombing an "ISIS cave system" for ratings like he did for Syria. In fact, he did his usual kid in class who clearly didn’t read the homework routine — which trickled down to Sean Spicer, as it often does— and has refused to confirm if he personally signed off on the strike, according to CNN. Again, an unusual move for a president who learned not even a week ago that cable news will drop to its knees the second he blows something up.

So if not Trump - who visibly had no clue what just happened - then who authorized the strike? Or at the very least, arranged for the military to have "total authorization" to do whatever it wants. Who’s recently, and terrifyingly, been tasked with “solving the Middle East” and is already being viewed by military officials as a direct pipeline to the president, or in some circles, as the actual president? Who would be cocky enough to apply corporate thinking to a multifaceted situation and try to show results to his “boss” as quickly as possible — "efficiently," he’d probably say — by any means necessary?

Jared Kushner Iraq

God fucking help us if I’m right.