Shortly after the 2000 election - which also ended with a qualified Democratic candidate losing the Electoral College to an unqualified, silver spoon idiot who'd unfortunately go on to oversee one of the worst terrorist attack on America's soil that 15 years later, we're still making absolutely moronic decisions about, namely electing the subject of this article - Saturday Night Live aired a soap opera parody sketch called "Palm Beach" that lambasted the aftermath of Ana Gasteyer's Katherine Harris helping Will Ferrell's classic George W. Bush steal the White House from Al Gore. I can't find a clip of it anywhere, but here's a transcript of the relevant joke:
George W. Bush: Hey, Katherine. I've been thinking about my cabinet. Who do you think would make a better Secretary of the Interior - Nolan Ryan or The Rock?
Katherine Harris: [ sits him down on the couch ] You're thinking too hard, George. [ massages his shoulders ] You look.. tense.
George W. Bush: Heck, I just can't wait 'til all this President junk is over next week.. so I can go back to hunting and executing.
Katherine Harris: Next week? You know you have to be President for four years.
George W. Bush: [ angry ] What?! [ stands ] That blows! I'm gonna kill Dick Cheney! He told me it was like winning a fishing contest - you win a trophy, you take your picture, and you're done!
Katherine Harris: Don't worry - it'll go by fast, with me by your side.
Katherine Harris' Thoughts: You've got him right where you want him, Katherine. [ laughs ]
George W. Bush's Thoughts: The Rock is stronger. But Nolan Ryan's wise. Presidenting is hard!
"Presidenting is hard!" That sketch is almost two decades old, and that punchline is still lodged in my head. So imagine my surprise (and abject terror) when the current President of the United States all but used those exact words with absolute, 100% seriousness:
President Donald Trump on Thursday reflected on his first 100 days in office with a wistful look at his life before the White House.
"I loved my previous life. I had so many things going," Trump told Reuters in an interview. "This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier."
Jesus fucking Christ. But, wait, there's more!
"You're really into your own little cocoon, because you have such massive protection that you really can't go anywhere," he said.
When the president leaves the White House, it is usually in a limousine or an SUV.
He said he missed being behind the wheel himself.
"I like to drive," he said. "I can't drive any more."
Keep in mind, Trump will only be 100 days into his presidency on Saturday. That's barely 6% of his first term and already he's pissing and moaning like he's been there forever. Although, in fairness, it feels that way to everybody.
But the truly alarming part is that this Reuters fiasco is the third disastrous interview that Trump has given in just under a week. His now infamous AP transcript showed an addled mind with a tenuous grip on reality. His 100 days feature with Politico highlighted a White House in complete disarray and under pressure to somehow make it look like Trump hasn't farted out on every single campaign promise. (Which he has.) And now here he is still expecting a pat on the back for just barely winning the election through a trap-door mechanism that let him skate by with losing the popular vote by a significant margin.
Midway through a discussion about Chinese President Xi Jinping, the president paused to hand out copies of what he said were the latest figures from the 2016 electoral map.
"Here, you can take that, that's the final map of the numbers," the Republican president said from his desk in the Oval Office, handing out maps of the United States with areas he won marked in red. "It’s pretty good, right? The red is obviously us."
He had copies for each of the three Reuters reporters in the room.
NONE OF THAT IS NORMAL.
First, no self-respecting president would be caught dead carrying around maps of their Electoral College win almost six months after the election. It's fucking ludicrous, and only further demonstrates that Trump is an impulsive child who's impossible to reason with. It's to the point where White House staff need to check his pockets like he's goddamn Dennis the Menace.
Second, those maps are a huge red flag about Trump's mindset that's been evident since the jump: He won. Why isn't everybody doing what he wants? Which isn't a surprising viewpoint for a rich, white asshole who replaced America's first black president thanks to shining endorsements from the KKK and neo-Nazis. Entitlement is Trump's middle name.
And, finally, it's now impossible to deny that Donald Trump had no intention of winning and is regretting it now more than ever. It's only 100 days into his presidency, and he's all but holding up a white flag so he can go back to eating taco bowls in Trump Tower and bragging about chasing tail with Howard Stern. Except all of this was readily apparent the second Trump ceded his presidential duties to his equally unqualified son-in-law a month ago.
Apparently all it took was eight weeks of not coasting on a bullshit real estate empire financed by daddy's money for Trump to throw in the towel. Strong man, my ass.