Dick Cheney’s War Boner Is Not Your Friend

Setting aside the terrifying fact that Dick Cheney is somehow still alive and has to be 800% Terminator by now, he popped up at a conference in India on Monday and basically tried to start World War III with Russia.
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Dick Cheney

There’s been an unfortunate trend lately where a member of the Bush administration comes out of the woodwork to criticize Donald Trump and the political clickosphere can’t trip over itself fast enough to point out that things are so bad even the Bush administration can’t believe what’s happening. And I get it. God knows I’ve sipped from that sweet schadenfreude fountain myself because I’d be lying if I said there isn’t something darkly hilarious about watching the same people who gleefully let Osama bin Laden bait them into a clusterfuck crusade that laid the groundwork for ISIS actually have a leg to stand on when they look around and say, “Well, this is getting out of hand…”

But in case you missed a key phrase back there, let me play it back for you: We’re talking about the Bush administration. The warmongering precursor to Trump that left hundreds of thousands dead in its wake and laid the groundwork for a descent into jingoism so deep that we have goddamn Nazis in the White House now. Not to mention the untold number of lives tortured and left to rot in black sites while foreign policy was literally based on episodes of 24. To put a finer point on it — and I’m lifting this from Chris Rock — things were so bad, that the same America that just put a KKK-endorsed candidate into the White House elected a black guy named Barack Obama president. Twice.

Which brings us to Dick Cheney. The craven bastard who was tasked with finding a running mate for George W. Bush only to turn around and choose himself. Cheney then spent the next eight years with his hand up the ass of a poor idiot who just wanted to paint puppies and made billions for his old company by orchestrating no-bid contracts during the Iraq War that make Donald Trump’s conflict of interests seem quaint by comparison. For now.

Setting aside the terrifying fact that Dick Cheney is somehow still alive and has to be 800% Terminator by now, he popped up at a conference in India on Monday and basically tried to start World War III with Russia. Or anybody really. The whole talk was about “rising threats,” so Cheney would probably start a war with Idaho at this point. Business Insider reports:

“There’s no question that there was a very serious effort made by Mr. Putin and his government, his organization, to interfere in major ways with our basic fundamental democratic processes,” Cheney said. “In some quarters, that could be considered an act of war.

“I would not underestimate the weight that we as Americans assign to Russian attempts to interfere with our process,” Cheney concluded.

Naturally, the immediate and overwhelming response was to highlight the fact that Dick Cheney just called out Donald Trump on Russia, but in the rush to dole out the hottest takes, one important detail got lost in the mix:

It’s fucking Dick Cheney.

Not only that, but it’s Dick Cheney actively trying to start another war, which has to be confusing the hell out of Steve Bannon right now. On the one hand, he might finally get that World War he’s always wanted. On the other, oh shit, it’s with the people who got him his job. “Allegedly.”

But there’s one other thing that makes Cheney’s comments all the more ridiculous. If he truly is so keenly aware of the threat that Russia poses to America by disrupting the election, he gave Putin exactly what he wanted by endorsing Trump. You let the bastards in the front door and didn’t even bother to shoot them in the face, Dick.

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