Skip to main content

I honestly don't know where to begin. If Donald Trump isn't replaced at the convention -- an increasingly real possibility -- the rest of this year's election coverage will essentially involve documenting Trump's slow-motion trainwreck. 

In the last two days, the following stories have dropped.

1) Trump fired his campaign body-man Corey Lewandowski.

2) Trump doesn't have any money. His available campaign cash has dwindled to $2.4 million, compared with Hillary Clinton's comfortable $30 million. Oh, and by the way, here's documentation of some of Trump's campaign spending. Tell me again how he's not totally corrupt.

We're not making this up. Evidence here.

We're not making this up. Evidence here.

3) After blurting that the Orlando shooter was "born in Afghan," we learned that Trump allegedly read the wrong speech in his (cough) teleprompter. Oops.

4) What the hell is this all about?

5) On Monday, Trump said it'd be a "beautiful, beautiful sight" if clubgoers exchanged crossfire with Omar Mateen. (Trump didn't appear to know that one of the bouncers, a former law enforcement officer, fired at the shooter.) Then, on Tuesday, Trump tweeted that he never said clubgoers should've shot back -- only employees or guards. Uh-huh. 

But wait...

“It’s too bad some of the people killed over the weekend didn’t have guns attached to their hips, where bullets could have thrown in the opposite direction,” Trump said on Howie Carr’s conservative syndicated radio show the day after the shootings. “Had people been able to fire back, it would have been a much different outcome.”  

In Atlanta:

“If the bullets were going in the other direction, aimed at this guy who was just in open target practice, you would have had a situation, folks, which would have been horrible but nothing like the carnage that we all, as a people, suffered this weekend,” Trump said then.  

In Dallas:

 “If some of those wonderful people had guns strapped right here — right to their waist or right to their ankle — and one of the people in that room happened to have it and goes, ‘Boom, boom,’ you know, that would have been a beautiful sight, folks,” Trump said at a rally in Dallas Friday night.  

And in Houston:

 "If we had people with bullets going the opposite direction right smack between the eyes of this maniac — if some of those wonderful people had guns strapped right here, right to their waist or right to their ankle, and this son of a bitch comes out and starts shooting — and one of the people in that room happened to have it and goes 'boom, boom,' you know what, that would have been a beautiful, beautiful sight, folks. That would have been a beautiful, beautiful sight."

6) If all that's not awful enough, Trump also tweeted the following on Tuesday:

The "king of debt?" Is this seriously supposed to be positive self-endorsement, that he made a fortune off defrauding creditors?

Let's go over this last one again. For the last eight years, the Republican Party has been screeching about the national debt -- because on January 20, 2009 it suddenly became important when, before that date, no one really talked about it. Meanwhile, President Obama and the congressional Democrats have successfully reduced the budget deficit (not the same as the debt, Republicans) by more than a trillion dollars, which happens to be a record.

Stripped of the ability to bitch about "tax and spend" Democrats, the GOP pivoted over to the national debt and blamed its growth exclusively on the Obama administration, even though, as we all know based on Congressional Budget Office studies, the national debt is higher than ever due to the following policies: the Iraq War, the Afghanistan War, Medicare Part-D, and the economic repercussions of the Great Recession. In other words, the bulk of the national debt is based on the accumulated spending of the congressional Republicans and the Bush administration.

Nevertheless, one of the GOP's top shelf gripes about the Obama Democrats is the national debt. So, in order to mitigate the problem, they've nominated a candidate who business endeavors have resulted in numerous bankruptcies. As if that's not counter-intuitive enough, Trump is boasting that he's "the king of debt." The King of Debt.

Making matters even worse, Trump had previously vowed to defraud U.S. bond owners by negotiating the equivalent of 50-cents-on-the-dollar in order to resolve the debt crisis, effectively hurling the world economy into complete and utter chaos.

Again, the debt thing is just one in a long list of Trump disasters, and we're only covering events from a few days. He's out of money; he's clueless about what happened in Orlando; his campaign staff is in disarray; he boasted that he's The King of Debt; and he feels "like a supermodel," because why not?

And American voters are so utterly brainwashed and clueless that Trump is only trailing Hillary Clinton by a few percentage points, according to the latest CNN poll. Look, I don't care whether you despise Hillary Clinton because she's a woman or because [insert conspiracy theory here], she's lightyears more qualified than this clown-haired Lord Fauntleroy. One thing's for sure: any Republican who continues to bitch about the national debt is going to get a Twitter-feed full of "King of Debt" references. From me, and, hopefully, thousands of others.

Oh, and one more thing.

7) This might be a problem:

A woman filed a federal lawsuit in New York on Monday alleging that presumptive GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump raped her in 1994 before threatening to harm her and her family if she talked, the Gothamist reported.

Good luck making America great again with this loser.