Even if you don't immediately recognize the name Jon Ritzheimer, you almost certainly know his distinctive face by now. In terms of who the biggest laughingstock is among the entirely laughable Vanilla ISIS clowns still holding an empty bird sanctuary hostage, Ritzheimer probably sits comfortably atop the pile. Even Ryan Bundy, who bears more than a passing resemblance to Alex Karras's Mongo character from Blazing Saddles, isn't as eminently mockable as the man who provided us with the most meme-worthy moment of this whole shit-show so far.
Ritzheimer, you might remember, is the tough guy militiaman who at the start of the standoff parked his nice pick-up truck off a public road, set up his iPhone and recorded a videoclip that he then uploaded to the internet -- which was created by the federal government -- where he complains about how government tyranny has made his life unlivable. His performance, which included speaking directly to his daughters about why he wouldn't be home for New Year's -- because "daddy swore an oath" -- was so dripping with tearful melodrama that it instantly inspired a legion of online smart-alecs to do their own versions of what became known as his sad, patriotic farewell.
Now, apparently not content to let the nationwide ridicule die down a bit, Ritzheimer is back with the sequel to "goodbye cruel world." See, Jon Ritzheimer is mad right now. Not just about how our hallowed Constitution is being trampled on -- although he's still plenty mad about that -- but about how all of us not currently freezing our asses off in Middle of Nowhere, Oregon aren't taking him and his fellow patriots seriously. Specifically, the problem as Ritzheimer sees it is this: a week ago he and the Bundy Militia put out a call for backup in the form of supplies they somehow forgot to bring with them, this despite the fact that Ammon Bundy said they planned to occupy the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge for years. Among the supplies they asked for -- snacks.
This in and of itself became just another facet to this whole farce that made it worthy of not being taken seriously, but obviously once the internet got a hold of this request it turned it into a golden opportunity to troll the shit out of these people. And so, Facebook groups emerged, a Twitter campaign was organized and Gawker sponsored a push to answer the call and send supplies to those fighting for our freedom in Oregon. What's been shipped to Oregon over the past week: condoms, gay porn, bags of candy dicks, "The Ultimate Survival Guide for Kids," and so on and so on.
Well, over the past 24-hours, apparently, those packages have begun arriving. Which brings us back to Jon Ritzheimer -- who's not too happy about being laughed at by the entire country. Earlier today, he posted a video to Facebook telling everyone as much. Behold, the tantrum of a very patriotic baby.
"So we went and picked up some mail that came in from, you know, a lot of the supporters. But along with that mail we got an abundance of the hate mail and it was just, it was really mind-blowing to me that people would actually spend their money -- you know, this box right here, 17-dollars and 90-cents. They spend and waste their money on all this hateful stuff to send out here to us and buy this ridiculous stuff. It's really ridiculous, even the -- this one was really funny, a bag of dicks. So rather than going out and doing good, you know, they just spend all their money on hate, and hate, and hate, and hate. So we're gonna clear the table and we're gonna continue to do work and do good for our country. We're not gonna be deterred. We're not gonna let all your junk and hate-mail sidetrack us and we're gonna continue to do what's right for our country. For the rest of you patriots out there that are still twiddling your thumbs debating whether or not you should come out, well, now's the time. If you wanna be part of history in the making, you need to get out here and you need to show some support. Now I'm not talking about coming out here and being an 'outside perimeter.' Come here and be a patriot. Come here and stand up for your country. Do what's right. Enough talk, now it's time for action. I hope to see you."
Everything about this clip is so beautifully revealing. As much as Ritzheimer tries to laugh it off, there's little doubt the lack of support from fellow "patriots" and the mockery from everybody else is really getting to him. That minor outburst, with him throwing everything off the table, is played as a show of defiance but it's obvious he can barely control his rage. And the comedown from that, with him looking directly into the camera and issuing a steely-eyed challenge to militia members across the country not to basically leave the Bundy people hanging in the cold wind, speaks volumes. Ritzheimer is pissed. And the good news is, he and his fellow scofflaws are going to go right on being pissed. In fact, they're really going to be pissed with this whole joke is finally over and they're doing time in a federal prison.
As for the supplies that keep flooding the new Bundy Militia Oregon annex -- well done, America. Well done. Keep up the good work.
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