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College Cancels Yoga Classes Over "Cultural Appropriation," Because College Is Now The Onion

Jesus fucking Christ, enough already.
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Gather round, children, because it's time for another episode in the seemingly never-ending series "Pissy Little Millennial Snowflakes Ruin Everything." This time, the story takes us to the University of Ottawa in Canada, where a free yoga class originally formed in 2008 to help disabled students has now been shut down by the school's Student Federation.

Jen Scharf has always taught the class and she says she was shocked when she checked in with the university in September and was told that the whole program had been canceled. "I guess it was this cultural appropriation issue because yoga originally comes from India," she says. Actually, the "issue" of cultural appropriation was exactly why the yoga class was canceled. A representative from the Student Federation told Scharf that yoga on campus -- presumably a yoga class taught by someone named Jen Scharf -- was problematic because yoga comes from “cultures that have experienced oppression, cultural genocide and diasporas due to colonialism and western supremacy.”

Remember that this is a program intended to give disabled students free access to exercises that might improve their movement, so with that in mind, Scharf suggested that maybe just changing the name of it might alleviate the concerns of the little asshole children who objected to the class. "It's simple enough, just call it mindful stretching.… We're not going through the finer points of scripture," she said. "We're talking about basic physical awareness and how to stretch so that you feel good." Sounds reasonable enough, right? Alas, no concessions can be made when the fragile sensibilities of the perpetually victimized are at stake.

It goes without saying that there's a difference between dressing yourself up in a fake mustache and a sombrero and spouting "South of the Border" billboard-style lingo for the sake of getting a laugh, and doing yoga because it's good for you. There's a difference between ugly appropriation and thoroughly understandable appreciation. But to the insufferably self-righteous kids intent on turning the college experience into a P.C. death march, it's all the same. Somebody somewhere is being oppressed or offended so it's important the whole thing is done away with for good of us all.

How they're able to get away with it -- why the adults continue to cede all control to these crybulling babies -- I have no idea. But considering that it's claiming real victims, as opposed the imagined casualties these poor babies will die fighting for, it needs to be stopped. If not for them then for the sake of the kids themselves, the institutions that are supposed to ready them for a world that won't coddle their every anxiety, and common sense in general. Jesus, enough already.

In other news, the University of Ottawa Student Federation just voted to shut down all of Los Angeles.