Skip to main content

Ted Cruz Tells President Obama, "Insult Me To My Face," Because Ted Cruz Is the Toughest 5th Grader on the Playground

Doughy dunce Ted Cruz channels Clint Eastwood. You can imagine the result.
Screen Shot 2015-11-18 at 2.37.25 PM

When you think of Ted Cruz, "tough" isn't one of the first words that comes to mind. Cruz looks like the doughy kid whose elementary and middle school days were a nonstop hell because his daily ritual included a very public pantsing in the middle of the lunchroom. But given that there's no outlandish statement or comical tack that's beneath him it's not much of a surprise that Cruz is now summoning his inner Clint Eastwood by challenging president Obama to, literally, "say that to my face."

During an interview today in DC, Cruz took umbrage with Obama's perfectly understandable mockery of him and his ludicrous suggestion that only Christian Syrians be allowed into the country as refugees. "President Obama and Hillary Clinton’s idea that we should bring tens of thousands of Syrian Muslim refugees to America—it is nothing less than lunacy,” Cruz told Fox news on Saturday. “On the other hand, Christians who are being targeted for genocide, for persecution, Christians who are being beheaded or crucified, we should be providing safe haven to them. But President Obama refuses to do that.”

Never mind that Cruz's plan to segregate and exclude Syrian Muslims hands the terrorists behind the Paris attacks exactly what they want and is wholly un-American at face value, it's also entirely unfeasible. (Cruz suggests giving refugees a "test.") But we're living in the age of the conservative movement's final transition into William F. Buckley's worst nightmare, so Cruz's thoughts no doubt echo the idiot rabble he represents, the shrieking loons who've successfully wrested conservatism away from the at least intelligent and well-meaning people who once adhered to its beliefs.

So with all of this in mind, when asked today about President Obama's ridicule, Cruz literally looked directly into the camera and threw down a gauntlet that might be chilling were it not coming from the mouth of a flaccid little dunce like Ted Cruz. He said, "If you want to insult me, you can do it overseas, you can do it in Turkey, you can do it in foreign countries. But I would encourage you, Mr. President, come back and insult me to my face." Strong words from a strong guy, clearly, and if I were President Obama I'd be shaking in my boots -- even though it's practically assured that if Cruz saw Obama coming at him on the sidewalk he'd cross the street on principle.

It practically goes without saying that this is all Cruz and his ilk have: horseshit tough talk. Even in a one-on-one debate about the refugee crisis or anything else, Obama would destroy Cruz. He can make steely eyes at a thousand cameras and get a thousand elderly yokel dicks to twitch ever so slightly for the first time in years and it won't do a damn bit of good. His plan for letting a kind of religious apartheid decide who the United States rescues from tyranny and hardship and who doesn't is deplorable all the way around. It's embarrassingly stupid, just like Ted Cruz himself.