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God Told Scott Walker to Drop Out of His Disastrous Presidential Campaign

Scott Walker has ended his quest for the presidency, but at least he did it in the first trimester.

ISIS fighters all over the world can breathe a sigh of relief today, secure in the knowledge that they're safe from having a future President Scott Walker ignore their petitions. On Monday, Walker announced that he was ending the presidential campaign that he only officially started eight weeks ago, making him the second major Republican candidate to bow out this month. In a brief announcement, Walker said that God had told him to get out of the race, because his zero-percent support was holding back other candidates from beating Donald Trump. no, I'm not kidding:

"I was sitting in church yesterday, the pastor's words reminded me that the Bible is full of stories about people who were called to be leaders in unusual ways. Today, I believe that I am being called to lead by helping to clear the field in this race so that a positive, conservative message can rise to the top of the field. With this in mind, I will suspend my campaign immediately. I encourage other Republican presidential candidates to consider doing the same so that the voters can focus on a limited number of candidates who can offer a positive, conservative alternative to the current front-runner. This is fundamentally important to the future of our party, and, more important, the future of the country."

I don't know what the best part of that is, the self-delusion, or the one person who clapped when he said he was dropping out.

It's easy to forget that Walker was once the presumptive favorite to win the nomination after Jeb Bush's candidacy failed to catch fire, but by the time he actually announced is candidacy, Walker was already trailing Donald Trump. What's sad is that Walker wasn't run out of the Republican primary because he thinks the law should force women to get vaginally probed and/or die in childbirth, or that he's a hot foreign policy mess, it's because like every other candidate who isn't Donald Trump, Ben Carson, or Carly Fiorina, Walker is insufficiently adept at stoking white resentment. Unfortunately, God waited until after Walker pulled his party to the right on killing women to tell him to quit.