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Wait, You're Body-Shaming Pink? Are You F*cking Crazy?

Pink smacks down people giving her crap for gaining a couple of pounds. Good for her.
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Back when I used write mostly for my own site, Deus Ex Malcontent, I'd occasionally carve out a little copy space to devote to my ultimate crushes. Some were gorgeous, some were funny, some were brilliant, most were talented, but every one of them by virtue of one incredible trait or a combination of them was sexy as hell. My tastes never ran toward the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Instead, I schoolboy obsessed over women who had an outward edge and an internal strength, because nothing is cooler or more attractive than confidence.

When I got around to jotting down a little tribute, specifically, to the women-in-music that did it for me, there were people like Shirley Manson, Liz Phair, Alicia Keys, Alison Goldfrapp and the timeless Siouxsie Sioux in the mix. But sitting at the very top of the list of women I just couldn't get enough of, there was one name: Pink. Put simply, for the past 15 years there hasn't been anyone in pop music, male or female, as undeniably bad-ass as Pink. She may have started off as just another anonymous pop/hip-hop concoction, known more for her striking look than her music, but it took almost no time for her to take complete control of her career, throwing off the image and sound her handlers had predetermined would make her a star and embracing who she really was at heart. By doing this, she proved she was more punk than most punks for the simple reason that it's easy to decide from the get-go that you're going to flip-off the establishment because that risks nothing. It's a hell of a lot more ballsy to do it once you've got a record deal and a hit single under your belt and are potentially turning your back on success. It worked out like gangbusters for Pink, but don't ever forget the nerve it took to make that decision and to push the record company to go along with it.

Over the years, Pink's become known for wearing her considerable heart on her sleeve musically and of course for her dazzling physical strength as a performer. Her body is known for being so lean and muscular that she's able to hang from the air and do what amounts to a trapeze act while singing. Working out is a huge part of who she is. However, she's still 35-years-old and the mother of a little girl, which means it's fucking ridiculous to expect her to have the body of a teenager.

(Photo: Gabriel Olsen/Getty Images)

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And that brings us to this weekend -- and the latest eruption of asshole snark and horseshit concern trolling from the internet's worldwide peanut gallery. On Saturday night, Pink wore a simple black party dress and headband ensemble to attend a cancer benefit with her husband, Carey Hart. She posted pictures of herself in the outfit and given that, I guess, she didn't look like she was ready to deadlift a '76 Buick Regal, that was all it took to unleash the Troll Kraken. A bunch of the usual anonymous suspects took to Twitter to begin calling her fat. These are people, mind you, who very likely look like this and yet there they were criticizing somebody who'd probably still be able to kick the shit out of them even she added half her current weight to her frame.

Pink, being Pink, responded with a pretty powerful smackdown. But what's so special about the message she posted on Twitter is how eloquently it expresses a couple of very important ideas. One is that a woman can be healthy and happy and not be concerning herself every single day with how she eats or whether she works out enough. The other is that, quite frankly, you're not owed a thing as a "concerned" critic.

"I can see that some of you are concerned about me from your comments about my weight. You’re referring to the pictures of me from last night’s cancer benefit that I attended to support my dear friend Dr. Maggie DiNome. She was given the Duke Award for her tireless efforts and stellar contributions to the eradication of cancer. But unfortunately, my weight seems much more important to some of you. While I admit that the dress didn’t photograph as well as it did in my kitchen, I will also admit that I felt very pretty. In fact, I feel beautiful. So, my good and concerned peoples, please don’t worry about me. I’m not worried about me. And I’m not worried about you either :) … I am perfectly fine, perfectly happy, and my HEALTHY, voluptuous and crazy strong body is having some much deserved time off. Thanks for your concern. Love, cheesecake.”

Funny, smart and strong -- everything I'd expect from Pink.

She followed this up with a few photos of what's truly important in life: the ones you love. She tweeted out a picture of herself in the black dress with her daughter, Willow, as well as a shot from the benefit with her husband. Above and beyond the reality that Pink is damn talented and has a lovely family, she's always been a worthwhile role model because she's somebody who believes in simply being who you are and not worrying about what other people think. It's a good message to send and a great way to live your life. And that's what makes Pink gorgeous and sexy -- that what's inside her is as worthwhile as what you can see outside.

Also, if you think there's something wrong with Pink's outsides these days, you're fucking crazy. I'd kill to have a body like hers even now -- and I'm a guy.