Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the next president of the United States, who is totally straight and does not have any unresolved anxieties about his sexuality, ranting about about gay jihad.
From the good folks over at RightWingWatch, here's Ted Cruz telling the Network of Iowa Christian Home Educators (of course) that the backlash to anti-gay laws being passed in Indiana and Arkansas is just like Muslim extremists who want to blow up churches and massacre innocent people:
We look at the jihad that is being waged right now in Indiana and Arkansas, going after people of faith who respect the Biblical teaching that marriage is the union of one man and one woman.
I wonder if Cruz secretly fears being dragged from his home in the middle of the night and shoved in a van to attend a Judy Garland retrospective. Maybe he's worried that homosexual predators are lurking, Quran in one hand and a gigantic black dildo in the other, in the alleyways of every small Christian town across America. Is he struck with panic of the day when glitter IEDs line the streets and a Christian man can't walk down the street without being stopped and tea-bagged by the Gay Police because he's not dressed immodestly enough? Perhaps he's very confused and frightened about why all these militant gays keep sucking his cock.
A vote for Cruz, apparently, is a vote for paranoid neuroticism and pathological sexual repression. The jihad is here, and it's gay. Grab your guns and zip up your pants, because it's about to get weird in here.
This is the kind of monologue you expect to hear from the evil president in a bad Kurt Russel movie, not an actual candidate for leader of the free world. Let me put it this way: If a third grader turned this argument in for his social studies class, I am sure their parents could expect a very concerned call from the teacher explaining that there's something wrong with Little Johnny. Of course, considering Ted Cruz's dad, I don't think that would accomplish very much.