Survivors of the Great Prank War of 2015 will be happy to know that enough Banter staff have lasted through April 1 and its associated mass violence to continue operations. As spring rolls in, we lucky few (and our post-prank PTSD) have been busy weighing in on Trevor Noah's Twitter shitstorm, Ted Cruz's inexplicable poll numbers and the anti-gay laws being passed in Indiana.
Here's the week that was, at The Daily Banter.
Trevor Noah’s Tweets Are Haunting Him Because the Internet Needs a Life
Who cares whether Trevor Noah made some shitty, unfunny dude-bro jokes in 2011? Not Jamie Frevele, who writes that we rarely see comedians' "very worst material":
Nowadays, however, they’re trying out that crap material online as opposed to onstage. Do we really think that when Jon Stewart was doing standup in the ’80s and ’90s he was doing the Emmy-winning material he’s doing now? If you do, kindly get away from me immediately. You don’t deserve to read my fantastic internet writing. Begone.
I like how these bloggers try to not be outraged and then end up being outraged anyway because they cannot fucking help themselves.
At this rate, maybe we should give outraged liberal bloggers their very own show to get angry over.
Aasif Mandvi’s Scathing Speech at the RTCA Dinner Shows He Can Take Over The Daily Show
Personally, I've always been on Team Mandvi, so it's good to see Chez Pazienza passionately taking up the case that The Daily Show's Indian correspondent is more than capable of taking the reigns from Jon Stewart. His hilarious, biting tirade at the 2015 Radio and Television Correspondents Association Dinner both "breathed fire over the room like he was a comedic Drogon," while his "unwillingness to suffer the pompous fools of the political media displayed his well-honed Daily Show chops."
Hey, seeing how badly Trevor Noah is doing out the gate, we can dream.
Indiana Gov. Mike Pence Refuses to Answer "Religious Freedom" Anti-Gay Discrimination Question
If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then why won't it admit it's a duck? Banter's Bob Cesca lambasts cowardly Indiana Gov. Mike Pence for his unwillingness to answer the very simple question of whether his anti-gay "religious freedom" bill is intended to allow anti-gay discrimination.
"Is it really the Bible, which says literally nothing about whether it’s a sin to serve gay customers? Or is it about unfairly and extra-biblically judging and discriminating against those customers solely because these business-owners don’t like gay people?"
Fascist WaPo Columnist Says U.S. Has Too Much Democracy, Lauds Iron-Fisted Lee Kuan Yew
If you're the kind of person who wishes we could bring back flogging or the death penalty for drug smuggling, then you're in terrible company: WaPo resident racist Richard Cohen. Cohen responded to news of late authoritarian ruler Lee Kuan Yew's death with a strange and disturbing paean to dictators in which he suggested the American system is much inferior to Singapore's, which is of course a load of hot bullshit. He's wrong for many reasons, but my favorite is when he lauds Mussolini for making the trains run on time (he didn't).
Outraged Liberals Actually Missed the Dumbest Part Of This Tom Cotton Interview
Mike Luciano points out that leftists outraged over Sen. Tom Cotton's remarks that American gays "should have a sense of perspective" over Indiana's anti-gay laws because they actually execute homosexuals in Iran are missing the juicier part of the story: that Cotton can somehow turn an interview about literally any topic in the world at all into an apocalyptic rant about Iranian nuclear weapons. For a guy whose name sounds like a Mark Twain character, Cotton sure is real worried about possible threats half a world away.
Forgive the Homophobes At Memories Pizza, For They Know Not What They Do
Tommy Christopher points out why it's maybe not the best idea to get super-angry at those Indiana pizza shop owners who expressed some very anti-gay opinions during a recent news story on Indiana's anti-gay law, because it's actually kind of silly to pay so much attention to people who don't realize they are local news "good bumpkin reax":
The fact that they are so dumb is all the more reason to forgive them, only in part because they obviously weren’t prepared, and didn’t intend, to become the epicenter of debate on this issue, while the news crew that sought them out definitely did. Even the average non-stupid person lacks the media savvy to know when they’re being used like this, which is why it falls to journalists to show restraint (sorry about the coffee all over your keyboard).
The Truth Behind a San Francisco TV Station’s Surprise On-Air Obscenity Is Utterly Depressing
Network TV expert Chez Pazienza impressively follows up on his prior coverage of a news ticker that read "fucking bullshit" on-air in San Francisco with his personal experiences working in media. It's well worth a read, especially if you like despairing over what the U.S. media landscape has become:
According to Lieberman, staff meetings went on all day on Monday to try to determine who was behind the treachery. I spoke to someone there who said mornings in particular at KRON are essentially rudderless and whoever posted the message left no digital footprint, meaning they still have no idea who did it. As for the overall mood at KRON, one of Lieberman’s sources says the atmosphere right now is toxic. “Morale could not be worse,” were this person’s exact words.
Ted Cruz’s Poll Numbers Prove Mendacity and Doublespeak Work
Also seriously depressing: Bob Cesca writes in to let us know that Ted Cruz has actually shot from five percent approval in GOP primary polling to sixteen percent, thus placing him in third place and proving that GOP primary voters should be first against the wall.
(My words, not Bob's.)